Danse Macabre, Chapter 23
Feb. 13th, 2014 10:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lliiraCN: Anita Blake book
I think LKH took a long break between the end of the last chapter and the beginning of this one, because they don't make sense together.
Claudia steps in front of Haven, whom Anita is now consistently calling "Cookie". We have to learn that Claudia's the only woman big n'tall enough to have blocked Haven from anything. Because everything that is not about hair, eyes, or penii is about height and/or muscles. It makes no sense for Claudia to try to stop Haven when it is obvious Anita is calling him over. It also makes no sense that Haven is able to stop when Anita is calling him over; it was made clear in the last chapter that she's controlling his mind. He should have tried to roll right over Claudia rather than stopping and telling Anita to call off her "rat" (209).
Anita thinks that she should be frightened about Haven walking over to her, and again, I have zero clue as to why. So far, Haven has done absolutely nothing in this book Anita did not want. SHE wanted to murder HIM, not vice versa. She mind-controlled him with the ardeur, for which Joseph flattened him. Haven's sole sin has been wanting to screw Anita with her consent. Which... yeah, that's a huge sin in these books, what am I thinking. He should have been like Auggie and tried to rape her. Actually, Haven is one of Auggie's people, and Anita and JC raped all of Auggie's people who are in St. Louis, so Anita and JC raped Haven.
The stupid immobile rapist on the bed thinks about her lion as if it's a force outside her over which she has exactly zero control. "If he did something stupid, or weak, she wouldn't accept him. She'd kill him before she'd accept him..." Yep. Being "weak" is a sin worthy of Anita murdering you. Cannot make this shit up. Anita thinks about how cold she's feeling, the same cold as when she's already decided to kill. Haven was doomed from the second he entered these books. All LKH's garment rending about how haaarrrrdddd it was for her to eventually kill him off (in Bullet) was a pack of lies.
By the way, Anita thinks of sociopathy as "peaceful".
Nathaniel moves, which actually makes Anita move to look at him. Anita's still lying nearly-motionless on this huge bed like a dead fish. It's pathetic. The lion in Anita is angry and swipes at her from the inside and it hurts Anita. LKH seems to be so literal-minded that she thinks all these different creatures really and truly do live inside Anita's tummy. People who are this literal-minded should not write fiction of any kind, let alone fantasy.
Anita thinks about how she's fighting with herself. "How terribly Freudian, or would it be Jungian?" (210) O_o. It... what. Even contemporary cognitive psychology, of which LKH has obviously never heard, has the concept of fighting onesself. People have had that concept since the earliest musings on the human condition I am aware of. I wish Anita would lose the fight with herself permanently.
"The thought was so me, that it opened my eyes." That comma should not be there. And yes, the thought is ignorant while thinking itself clever, so she's right, it is so her. Anita notices that Haven's wary now (I refuse to call him Cookie, I don't care how much Anita does), and his hair is flat on top "as if he'd been asleep when I'd called him." This gives me the hilarious picture of Haven sleeping standing on his head. Anita notices that Haven has tattoos of Bert and Ernie on his left shoulder. Again, that does not fit the character at all, or at least it doesn't fit with the idea Anita's been pushing that Haven is supposed to be super dangerous. He's some goofy dork who dyes his hair blue, wears powdery-sweet perfume, and has Sesame Street characters tattooed on his body. The fact that his body is tall, muscular, and attractive does not make him dangerous.
Haven tells Anita he has more tattooes and asks if she wants to see them, and of course she says she doesn't know. Then he says that she called him, and he sounds cautious. This pleases Anita's lion. "Pleased me too, I guess." GARGLEBARGLEBRGLE. Laurell K. Hamilton, you are turning me into a murlock! Anita. Is. Allowed. To. Have. Opinions. Not "guess." Oh, and her opinion in this case shows that she's a despicable person who likes people to fear her. That is not a guess.
Micah pops up to tell Haven that Anita needs him to give her his lion, whatever the hell that means. Because Anita can't say it because of course she can't, she's not allowed to actually DO anything at all ever unless it's 100% against her will, as that would make her a bad woman. Then Haven needs it explained to him (by Jean-Claude, of course not by Anita) that Anita has all these strains of therians in her, stolen from every wereanimal she's had contact with, which makes her the worst Rogue expy ever. I think Haven would already have known this, as I think Auggie would already have known this, but it wouldn't be an Anita Blake book without a rehash of how Anita's the most awesome and unusual thing wut ever awesomed every chapter. All the men then stand around talking about Anita's body while Anita lies there on the bed, not saying a word.
JC says, "Anita holds different types of lycanthropy inside her." Octavius responds,"That's not possible." (211) Well, there are different types of wolves in the world, but there only seems to be one type of werewolf in the Anita Blake books, so Octavius is completely correct. However, Laurell K. Hamilton is extraordinarily lazy and uses "lycanthropy" to mean every type of werecritter.
Anita uses "so" as a slang modifier again. Twice in two pages. The paucity of this woman's vocabulary is mind-boggling.
They talk about how Anita has fought changing and how it hurt, and Haven says no one can do that. Oh, but Anita can! Richard says it's because she's stubborn, but it's really so that LKH can create canon solely so that Anita can break it. I think this shows a deep hatred by LKH of her own creation.
Anita then looks at Richard. There is a LOT of people looking at other people in these books. Richard is as far away from Anita as he can get and still be in the room. We get this exchange:
"Don't mistake force of will for stubbornness," Micah said. "There is a difference."
"It looks the same to me," Richard said.
"It would," Micah said.
Okay, will someone explain to me what the difference between "force of will" and "stubbornness" is in this situation, and why LKH thinks "force of will" is good and "stubbornness" is bad?
Richard growls at Micah. Oh god please rip out his intestines, Richard. Please please please. Anita says the growl makes her shiver "but not with the promise of sex" (212). Sadly, that did have to be specified, because everything in these books really is about sex unless otherwise specified.
Anita goes back to writhing on the bed in pain because... Richard's growl made her lion want to get out more I guess? I don't know why. Anita reaches out for Haven and he lies on top of her. Haven asks what to do, and someone -- we are not told who -- tells Haven to kiss Anita. Then Anita shoves her lion into Haven, not bothering to be gentle like she had with poor widdwe fwagiwe wereorchid Nathaniel. This makes me hate Nathaniel more, btw. Here this complete stranger whom Anita keeps contemplating murdering for no reason is doing a massive favor for her, and she's using him without even trying to cause him less pain. She forces him to shapeshift, and it's described in a way that sounds very much like rape.
So now Haven is a lionman and is "suddenly nude" (213) -- what happened to his clothes, anyway? LKH describes the fact that Haven does not have a hard-on as that his body is "not happy to be there." It makes me think his penis is screaming.
Haven says it "fucking hurt", and Anita apologizes and thanks him, which pleasantly surprises me at this point. Then there is a conversation about how big all the men's dicks are in comparison to each other's. They manage to do this without ever using a word for "dick". No penis, no phallus, no cock, no member, peter, prick, shaft, tool, johnson, manhood, schlong, willy, wood, wand, meat stick, python of love, etc. That does not surprise me and is not pleasant. Haven brags about the size of his cock (I have never known a man to do this), and Anita says how Micah's third leg is really big.
We recently had a discussion about the size of Micah's dick on sporkingrat's journal. The one time I am aware of that Laurell K. Hamilton used a form of measurement that can be easily visualized and tested, she revealed that Micah's member, which she wants us to believe is supremely gigantic, so huge that only Anita's vagina is able to take it... is actually below average in size.
Haven reveals that Auggie brought men with very long dicks for Anita to choose from. Well, isn't that precious. I'd sent them all back on that alone, were I in the market for a dude solely to fuck. Ms. Hamilton, all women do not want hugely massively long cocks. That is a porn thing. Now, endurance and penile hardness are things that are commonly desired among women who like to have sex with men. None of the penii you write have either.
Anita thinks that normally, she'd be angry that Haven assumes he'll get to fuck her, but he's saved her and she's caused him pain. To me, Haven sounds like he's been flirting; heavy-duty flirting, yes, but I can't really blame him for it here. He does not sound like he assumes he's going to fuck her. He sounds like he's trying to get her to want to fuck him.
By the way, does anyone else find it odd that Anita throws around the word "fuck" like crazy, but can't refer to sexual organs by name?
Haven gets off the bed and falls down. He says the fringe benefits of being part of Anita's harem better be amazing. Anita says it depends on which ones he's talking about.
"Sex," he said... "You're Belle Morte's line, there is no other fringe benefit for you guys."
"I couldn't argue with the last part"
"I couldn't argue with the last part"
"I COULDN'T ARGUE WITH THE LAST PART"
So Jean-Claude and Anita give all these people under them nothing, NOTHING, but sex. If they even get sex, that is. Belle Morte's line offers nothing but sex. JC and Anita and all the other people infected with the ardeur are nothing but sex. That is IT, that is all they are, that is all they offer to anyone. And it's sex in the most simplistic, boring, basest form: stick a tab into a slot and pump. In "Shutdown", Anita was clear that sex was the only thing that could be of any real importance to anyone. THAT WAS NOT NEW.
Laurell K. Hamilton believes that great sex is sufficient to make someone want to stick with you forever. It's not. At all. Her attitude is both immature and strikingly ignorant of how people actually behave.
And Anita tells Haven not to assume that he'll be getting even sex. So it's entirely possible that he'll be forced to leave Chicago (third biggest city in the country and a marvelous place) and be stuck working for Jean-Claude and Anita in St. Louis (might be a marvelous place but isn't even one of the top 50 biggest cities in the country) and get nothing in return.
Haven asks what, he hasn't "proved" himself enough for sex? As if sex is something that is owed a man for doing a certain number of tasks. The books take Haven's side in this, so I can't be angry with him for it. He's just going by the rules of his world, and being more moral than Anita or nearly any of her harem in trying to earn sex rather than steal it.
But of course, the book is not about Haven. The book is about Richard and Anita fighting. They proceed to do so. It comes out of nowhere. LKH tried to throw a segue in by having Richard say, "when you figure it out, let me know" to Haven asking Anita what he has to do to meet her standards, but then Richard jumps to the fact that Anita could have been his lupa for real.
Richard and Anita retread the same ground. Richard blames JC. Richard then does the thing that only evil people do, and demands Anita tell him the truth about how she feels. She says being his lupa would have been bad. She says that she can't be with only one person, and thinks that Richard's already lost her.
SO LET HIM GO. And let the wolf pack have a real queen.
They end the chapter with Anita saying she'll go to dinner at Richard's parents' house on Sunday after church because that makes sense, and they say that they love each other and that they hate each other. I ended up writing quite a bit on what I think about Richard here, and that will be my next post.
I think LKH took a long break between the end of the last chapter and the beginning of this one, because they don't make sense together.
Claudia steps in front of Haven, whom Anita is now consistently calling "Cookie". We have to learn that Claudia's the only woman big n'tall enough to have blocked Haven from anything. Because everything that is not about hair, eyes, or penii is about height and/or muscles. It makes no sense for Claudia to try to stop Haven when it is obvious Anita is calling him over. It also makes no sense that Haven is able to stop when Anita is calling him over; it was made clear in the last chapter that she's controlling his mind. He should have tried to roll right over Claudia rather than stopping and telling Anita to call off her "rat" (209).
Anita thinks that she should be frightened about Haven walking over to her, and again, I have zero clue as to why. So far, Haven has done absolutely nothing in this book Anita did not want. SHE wanted to murder HIM, not vice versa. She mind-controlled him with the ardeur, for which Joseph flattened him. Haven's sole sin has been wanting to screw Anita with her consent. Which... yeah, that's a huge sin in these books, what am I thinking. He should have been like Auggie and tried to rape her. Actually, Haven is one of Auggie's people, and Anita and JC raped all of Auggie's people who are in St. Louis, so Anita and JC raped Haven.
The stupid immobile rapist on the bed thinks about her lion as if it's a force outside her over which she has exactly zero control. "If he did something stupid, or weak, she wouldn't accept him. She'd kill him before she'd accept him..." Yep. Being "weak" is a sin worthy of Anita murdering you. Cannot make this shit up. Anita thinks about how cold she's feeling, the same cold as when she's already decided to kill. Haven was doomed from the second he entered these books. All LKH's garment rending about how haaarrrrdddd it was for her to eventually kill him off (in Bullet) was a pack of lies.
By the way, Anita thinks of sociopathy as "peaceful".
Nathaniel moves, which actually makes Anita move to look at him. Anita's still lying nearly-motionless on this huge bed like a dead fish. It's pathetic. The lion in Anita is angry and swipes at her from the inside and it hurts Anita. LKH seems to be so literal-minded that she thinks all these different creatures really and truly do live inside Anita's tummy. People who are this literal-minded should not write fiction of any kind, let alone fantasy.
Anita thinks about how she's fighting with herself. "How terribly Freudian, or would it be Jungian?" (210) O_o. It... what. Even contemporary cognitive psychology, of which LKH has obviously never heard, has the concept of fighting onesself. People have had that concept since the earliest musings on the human condition I am aware of. I wish Anita would lose the fight with herself permanently.
"The thought was so me, that it opened my eyes." That comma should not be there. And yes, the thought is ignorant while thinking itself clever, so she's right, it is so her. Anita notices that Haven's wary now (I refuse to call him Cookie, I don't care how much Anita does), and his hair is flat on top "as if he'd been asleep when I'd called him." This gives me the hilarious picture of Haven sleeping standing on his head. Anita notices that Haven has tattoos of Bert and Ernie on his left shoulder. Again, that does not fit the character at all, or at least it doesn't fit with the idea Anita's been pushing that Haven is supposed to be super dangerous. He's some goofy dork who dyes his hair blue, wears powdery-sweet perfume, and has Sesame Street characters tattooed on his body. The fact that his body is tall, muscular, and attractive does not make him dangerous.
Haven tells Anita he has more tattooes and asks if she wants to see them, and of course she says she doesn't know. Then he says that she called him, and he sounds cautious. This pleases Anita's lion. "Pleased me too, I guess." GARGLEBARGLEBRGLE. Laurell K. Hamilton, you are turning me into a murlock! Anita. Is. Allowed. To. Have. Opinions. Not "guess." Oh, and her opinion in this case shows that she's a despicable person who likes people to fear her. That is not a guess.
Micah pops up to tell Haven that Anita needs him to give her his lion, whatever the hell that means. Because Anita can't say it because of course she can't, she's not allowed to actually DO anything at all ever unless it's 100% against her will, as that would make her a bad woman. Then Haven needs it explained to him (by Jean-Claude, of course not by Anita) that Anita has all these strains of therians in her, stolen from every wereanimal she's had contact with, which makes her the worst Rogue expy ever. I think Haven would already have known this, as I think Auggie would already have known this, but it wouldn't be an Anita Blake book without a rehash of how Anita's the most awesome and unusual thing wut ever awesomed every chapter. All the men then stand around talking about Anita's body while Anita lies there on the bed, not saying a word.
JC says, "Anita holds different types of lycanthropy inside her." Octavius responds,"That's not possible." (211) Well, there are different types of wolves in the world, but there only seems to be one type of werewolf in the Anita Blake books, so Octavius is completely correct. However, Laurell K. Hamilton is extraordinarily lazy and uses "lycanthropy" to mean every type of werecritter.
Anita uses "so" as a slang modifier again. Twice in two pages. The paucity of this woman's vocabulary is mind-boggling.
They talk about how Anita has fought changing and how it hurt, and Haven says no one can do that. Oh, but Anita can! Richard says it's because she's stubborn, but it's really so that LKH can create canon solely so that Anita can break it. I think this shows a deep hatred by LKH of her own creation.
Anita then looks at Richard. There is a LOT of people looking at other people in these books. Richard is as far away from Anita as he can get and still be in the room. We get this exchange:
"Don't mistake force of will for stubbornness," Micah said. "There is a difference."
"It looks the same to me," Richard said.
"It would," Micah said.
Okay, will someone explain to me what the difference between "force of will" and "stubbornness" is in this situation, and why LKH thinks "force of will" is good and "stubbornness" is bad?
Richard growls at Micah. Oh god please rip out his intestines, Richard. Please please please. Anita says the growl makes her shiver "but not with the promise of sex" (212). Sadly, that did have to be specified, because everything in these books really is about sex unless otherwise specified.
Anita goes back to writhing on the bed in pain because... Richard's growl made her lion want to get out more I guess? I don't know why. Anita reaches out for Haven and he lies on top of her. Haven asks what to do, and someone -- we are not told who -- tells Haven to kiss Anita. Then Anita shoves her lion into Haven, not bothering to be gentle like she had with poor widdwe fwagiwe wereorchid Nathaniel. This makes me hate Nathaniel more, btw. Here this complete stranger whom Anita keeps contemplating murdering for no reason is doing a massive favor for her, and she's using him without even trying to cause him less pain. She forces him to shapeshift, and it's described in a way that sounds very much like rape.
So now Haven is a lionman and is "suddenly nude" (213) -- what happened to his clothes, anyway? LKH describes the fact that Haven does not have a hard-on as that his body is "not happy to be there." It makes me think his penis is screaming.
Haven says it "fucking hurt", and Anita apologizes and thanks him, which pleasantly surprises me at this point. Then there is a conversation about how big all the men's dicks are in comparison to each other's. They manage to do this without ever using a word for "dick". No penis, no phallus, no cock, no member, peter, prick, shaft, tool, johnson, manhood, schlong, willy, wood, wand, meat stick, python of love, etc. That does not surprise me and is not pleasant. Haven brags about the size of his cock (I have never known a man to do this), and Anita says how Micah's third leg is really big.
We recently had a discussion about the size of Micah's dick on sporkingrat's journal. The one time I am aware of that Laurell K. Hamilton used a form of measurement that can be easily visualized and tested, she revealed that Micah's member, which she wants us to believe is supremely gigantic, so huge that only Anita's vagina is able to take it... is actually below average in size.
Haven reveals that Auggie brought men with very long dicks for Anita to choose from. Well, isn't that precious. I'd sent them all back on that alone, were I in the market for a dude solely to fuck. Ms. Hamilton, all women do not want hugely massively long cocks. That is a porn thing. Now, endurance and penile hardness are things that are commonly desired among women who like to have sex with men. None of the penii you write have either.
Anita thinks that normally, she'd be angry that Haven assumes he'll get to fuck her, but he's saved her and she's caused him pain. To me, Haven sounds like he's been flirting; heavy-duty flirting, yes, but I can't really blame him for it here. He does not sound like he assumes he's going to fuck her. He sounds like he's trying to get her to want to fuck him.
By the way, does anyone else find it odd that Anita throws around the word "fuck" like crazy, but can't refer to sexual organs by name?
Haven gets off the bed and falls down. He says the fringe benefits of being part of Anita's harem better be amazing. Anita says it depends on which ones he's talking about.
"Sex," he said... "You're Belle Morte's line, there is no other fringe benefit for you guys."
"I couldn't argue with the last part"
"I couldn't argue with the last part"
"I COULDN'T ARGUE WITH THE LAST PART"
So Jean-Claude and Anita give all these people under them nothing, NOTHING, but sex. If they even get sex, that is. Belle Morte's line offers nothing but sex. JC and Anita and all the other people infected with the ardeur are nothing but sex. That is IT, that is all they are, that is all they offer to anyone. And it's sex in the most simplistic, boring, basest form: stick a tab into a slot and pump. In "Shutdown", Anita was clear that sex was the only thing that could be of any real importance to anyone. THAT WAS NOT NEW.
Laurell K. Hamilton believes that great sex is sufficient to make someone want to stick with you forever. It's not. At all. Her attitude is both immature and strikingly ignorant of how people actually behave.
And Anita tells Haven not to assume that he'll be getting even sex. So it's entirely possible that he'll be forced to leave Chicago (third biggest city in the country and a marvelous place) and be stuck working for Jean-Claude and Anita in St. Louis (might be a marvelous place but isn't even one of the top 50 biggest cities in the country) and get nothing in return.
Haven asks what, he hasn't "proved" himself enough for sex? As if sex is something that is owed a man for doing a certain number of tasks. The books take Haven's side in this, so I can't be angry with him for it. He's just going by the rules of his world, and being more moral than Anita or nearly any of her harem in trying to earn sex rather than steal it.
But of course, the book is not about Haven. The book is about Richard and Anita fighting. They proceed to do so. It comes out of nowhere. LKH tried to throw a segue in by having Richard say, "when you figure it out, let me know" to Haven asking Anita what he has to do to meet her standards, but then Richard jumps to the fact that Anita could have been his lupa for real.
Richard and Anita retread the same ground. Richard blames JC. Richard then does the thing that only evil people do, and demands Anita tell him the truth about how she feels. She says being his lupa would have been bad. She says that she can't be with only one person, and thinks that Richard's already lost her.
SO LET HIM GO. And let the wolf pack have a real queen.
They end the chapter with Anita saying she'll go to dinner at Richard's parents' house on Sunday after church because that makes sense, and they say that they love each other and that they hate each other. I ended up writing quite a bit on what I think about Richard here, and that will be my next post.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-02-14 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-14 08:34 pm (UTC)I think she writes stream-of-consciousness and doesn't read back.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-14 04:04 pm (UTC)These sounds like badly-written self-insert pornofic. And I'm sure you're making them out to be better than they actually are, by virtue of summary.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-14 08:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-17 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-14 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-14 08:38 pm (UTC)