Life in the Fast Lane

Sep. 4th, 2025 04:26 am
iosonochesono: (Animorphs: Aximili Dance)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
job )

Jake's latest ear infection hasn't been getting any better with the anti-fungal drops so he's got another appointment today. A RVN told me they might consider a sedated flush so they can closer examine it. Jake's started drooling more than usual for him as well so they'll check that out too. If they do a sedated flush, maybe they can clean his teeth and take a good look and figure out if there's an injury.




The electrician is coming by today to replace our sockets so I'll be able to finish cleaning and prepping the sitting room walls for painting. I need to get some sandpaper if I'm going to try to extend the life of the skirting board




I need to take some courses to do more work myself because Patrick is too lazy to do the stuff he's supposedly qualified to do. He hasn't touched the walls in weeks, for example. He planed the door the other day but he only planed the bottom saying the top and area where the latch is didn't need done. That door still doesn't close after he's planed it unless he forces it shut from the inside (which defeats the purpose.

Or maybe I'll just see about getting a barn door. That would be ideal anyway - then I can leave the top-half open for ventilation and still stop Jake from getting into the kitchen. We've been trying to put that off since we want to move the door/frame entirely and knock out the wall between the kitchen and burner room after the gas is put in to make it a kitchen/dining space.




My dad is visiting for two weeks and we're having a good time but it's also a bit... Eh... Because he's freaking out, because he's dealing with house expenses and bankrolling my brother. And it's really hard not to resent him for especially the latter part. I mean he's subsidising my brother probably about £1,500/month, and he feels he has to because my brother has gone and had a kid, but you can't get him to realise that he's not saving them by funding them - he's 63 years old. Eventually, he will be unable to work.

I'm also disgusted with my brother for having a child he can't afford, and I feel like subconsciously, or maybe even more malicious and purposefully with the guidance of his wife he did this on purpose because our dad was at the point of realising he can't finance my brother anymore. I mean, my low-ball estimate is that he's given him roughly £200,000 over the last eight years. It's probably more because a lot of those years he was paying the full rent, not 70%. He paid for three months of rehab and paid off his debt a second or third time so he wouldn't go into bankruptcy - so that was probably almost £50,000 between rehab and bankruptcy on the table. I think my brother or his situationship at the time realised at some point he was going to stop and decided to have the baby to basically make Dad feel forced to keep financing them. For the baby.

And it's really hard to not resent this because my sister and I have always been so responsible. I mean, me less so than my sister, but not for lack of trying - I work hard and have great work ethic, and I do well at paid work, but I struggled with academics. I suspect I have some issues similar to my brother - I did test for a visual LD in college and based on my friends I do strongly suspect ADHD and autism. But I've usually managed to cope and dig myself out of my own messes. My sister had to deal with a divorce and cancer and Dad is living at her house because he can't bear to live with our brother, but he's not chipping in to the mortgage last I knew. I had to deal with a cancer screening, two broken limbs, a retaliatory eviction and pseudo-homelessness for three months.

So for him to be visiting and moaning about having to pay 70% of my brother's rent! And I've let him stay at my place too and have been cooking every day. At least he's chipped in for half the meals we get out when we're too tired from walking around all day. But you do think, it's just not fair. It's not fair on him mostly - he should stop financing our brother. He needs to. He needs to stop just saying he's going to and actually do it. He's not helping the grandkids. He's setting our brother up for failure because someday he won't be able to finance him anymore. He's going to die someday thinking our brother will be instantly homeless because he's never even been able to pay rent! He needs to stop to force our brother to figure it out!

And then to add insult to injury with all this, I don't know about my sister, but most of my dreamed-of works for the house are a cumulative total of at most £105,000. And I mean literally all of it:

Fencing/gates - £3,000 (front and back).
GFCH or heat pump - £4,000-10,000.
Kitchen - £5-10,000 (lower range self-remove with Patrick's dad. Possibly cheaper if we could find a charity shop kitchen and self-install).
Solar - £3-5,000
New roof - £10,000
Patio - £3,000
HRU - £3,000
Flooring - £2,000
Bathroom extension downstairs - £50,000 (I'm basically doubling this from the grants available to be safe, by the way).
Updating insulation - £10,000.

I could literally do everything I want in the house and not even touch half of what my dad has spent on my brother just in the last ten years. I'm not entitled to his money, but I am entitled to the resentment of disparity between siblings. Me more than my sister I think, even, because I'm eldest, I struggled with more childhood trauma than either of them (I was the only one alive for our sibling death and ensuing investigations/tortures, uncle death, poverty until my uncle got my dad a job with a computer company) and I had an undiagnosed LD and issues that my dad was desperate to get my brother diagnosed with because he was causing problems, and didn't realise I had the same issues because I was more prone to inattentiveness and daydreaming. Especially looking at my grades since he brought all my elementary school report cards - the signs were definitely there that I was struggling. I just coped better, because I had to, because all the resources and attention were going to my brother.

This is all old news, but obviously the times he's been glued to his phone fretting about money my brother has spent stirs things up again. Rather than try to deny I'm even entitled to recognise the disparities and inequities between siblings, I've accepted it so I can move on. He can establish boundaries between himself and me, and my sister and himself, but not my brother. Patrick thinks it's favouritism for him being a boy, and I try not to agree with that and say it's because he has more serious issues.

Except, I also had issues, which he ignored, because I wasn't as obnoxious or loud or annoying about it, not necessarily because they were less impactful on my life. So maybe it is more because my brother's a boy.

Let me put it this way, if I went and got pregnant, I don't think I'd be getting more support just because I had a grandchild. He's made it pretty clear that my sister and I are on our own because he can't afford to help, because he's too busy helping our brother. We're not entitled to help but it is a major disparity.

He says he has a therapist, but I wonder if he really does. If he does, I wonder if he's ever really honest about the disparity between the kids and if the therapist has told him he should be setting boundaries for our brother. He's going to die so much younger than he should if he doesn't. I hate it. I always want to ask my brother if he realises he's literally ageing our dad by decades with all the stress. Does my brother realise he is literally killing our father? Because sometimes it really haunts me.

Agate Beach Sunsets

Sep. 3rd, 2025 01:36 pm
yourlibrarian: Sunse Dolphins (NAT-SunsetDolphins-niki_vakita)
[personal profile] yourlibrarian posting in [community profile] common_nature


One real plus of our hotel room was that it faced west, so lots of sunset views!

Read more... )

Code deploy happening shortly

Aug. 31st, 2025 07:37 pm
mark: A photo of Mark kneeling on top of the Taal Volcano in the Philippines. It was a long hike. (Default)
[staff profile] mark posting in [site community profile] dw_maintenance

Per the [site community profile] dw_news post regarding the MS/TN blocks, we are doing a small code push shortly in order to get the code live. As per usual, please let us know if you see anything wonky.

There is some code cleanup we've been doing that is going out with this push but I don't think there is any new/reworked functionality, so it should be pretty invisible if all goes well.

denise: Image: Me, facing away from camera, on top of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome (Default)
[staff profile] denise posting in [site community profile] dw_news

A reminder to everyone that starting tomorrow, we are being forced to block access to any IP address that geolocates to the state of Mississippi for legal reasons while we and Netchoice continue fighting the law in court. People whose IP addresses geolocate to Mississippi will only be able to access a page that explains the issue and lets them know that we'll be back to offer them service as soon as the legal risk to us is less existential.

The block page will include the apology but I'll repeat it here: we don't do geolocation ourselves, so we're limited to the geolocation ability of our network provider. Our anti-spam geolocation blocks have shown us that their geolocation database has a number of mistakes in it. If one of your friends who doesn't live in Mississippi gets the block message, there is nothing we can do on our end to adjust the block, because we don't control it. The only way to fix a mistaken block is to change your IP address to one that doesn't register as being in Mississippi, either by disconnecting your internet connection and reconnecting it (if you don't have a static IP address) or using a VPN.

In related news, the judge in our challenge to Tennessee's social media age verification, parental consent, and parental surveillance law (which we are also part of the fight against!) ruled last month that we had not met the threshold for a temporary injunction preventing the state from enforcing the law while the court case proceeds.

The Tennesee law is less onerous than the Mississippi law and the fines for violating it are slightly less ruinous (slightly), but it's still a risk to us. While the fight goes on, we've decided to prevent any new account signups from anyone under 18 in Tennessee to protect ourselves against risk. We do not need to block access from the whole state: this only applies to new account creation.

Because we don't do any geolocation on our users and our network provider's geolocation services only apply to blocking access to the site entirely, the way we're implementing this is a new mandatory question on the account creation form asking if you live in Tennessee. If you do, you'll be unable to register an account if you're under 18, not just the under 13 restriction mandated by COPPA. Like the restrictions on the state of Mississippi, we absolutely hate having to do this, we're sorry, and we hope we'll be able to undo it as soon as possible.

Finally, I'd like to thank every one of you who's commented with a message of support for this fight or who's bought paid time to help keep us running. The fact we're entirely user-supported and you all genuinely understand why this fight is so important for everyone is a huge part of why we can continue to do this work. I've also sent a lot of your comments to the lawyers who are fighting the actual battles in court, and they find your wholehearted support just as encouraging and motivating as I do. Thank you all once again for being the best users any social media site could ever hope for. You make me proud and even more determined to yell at state attorneys general on your behalf.

Trees and Flowers

Aug. 28th, 2025 02:09 pm
yourlibrarian: Long Time Ago for Spike and Angel (BUF-LongTime-sfwolfpup)
[personal profile] yourlibrarian posting in [community profile] common_nature


I wish I'd had our car in this photo as a reference point for how large those trees were, At least in the next photo you can see a park building in the bottom left which gives you some idea. It was very impressive to be driving through these roads of giants.

Read more... )

Circle Updates

Aug. 27th, 2025 05:56 pm
havocthecat: sunflowers and dreamwidth (random dreamwidth)
[personal profile] havocthecat
Just evening up a bit of subscription/access issues. Drop a (screened) comment if I removed you by accident.
denise: Image: Me, facing away from camera, on top of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome (Default)
[staff profile] denise posting in [site community profile] dw_news

I'll start with the tl;dr summary to make sure everyone sees it and then explain further: As of September 1, we will temporarily be forced to block access to Dreamwidth from all IP addresses that geolocate to Mississippi for legal reasons. This block will need to continue until we either win the legal case entirely, or the district court issues another injunction preventing Mississippi from enforcing their social media age verification and parental consent law against us.

Mississippi residents, we are so, so sorry. We really don't want to do this, but the legal fight we and Netchoice have been fighting for you had a temporary setback last week. We genuinely and honestly believe that we're going to win it in the end, but the Fifth Circuit appellate court said that the district judge was wrong to issue the preliminary injunction back in June that would have maintained the status quo and prevented the state from enforcing the law requiring any social media website (which is very broadly defined, and which we definitely qualify as) to deanonymize and age-verify all users and obtain parental permission from the parent of anyone under 18 who wants to open an account.

Netchoice took that appellate ruling up to the Supreme Court, who declined to overrule the Fifth Circuit with no explanation -- except for Justice Kavanaugh agreeing that we are likely to win the fight in the end, but saying that it's no big deal to let the state enforce the law in the meantime.

Needless to say, it's a big deal to let the state enforce the law in the meantime. The Mississippi law is a breathtaking state overreach: it forces us to verify the identity and age of every person who accesses Dreamwidth from the state of Mississippi and determine who's under the age of 18 by collecting identity documents, to save that highly personal and sensitive information, and then to obtain a permission slip from those users' parents to allow them to finish creating an account. It also forces us to change our moderation policies and stop anyone under 18 from accessing a wide variety of legal and beneficial speech because the state of Mississippi doesn't like it -- which, given the way Dreamwidth works, would mean blocking people from talking about those things at all. (And if you think you know exactly what kind of content the state of Mississippi doesn't like, you're absolutely right.)

Needless to say, we don't want to do that, either. Even if we wanted to, though, we can't: the resources it would take for us to build the systems that would let us do it are well beyond our capacity. You can read the sworn declaration I provided to the court for some examples of how unworkable these requirements are in practice. (That isn't even everything! The lawyers gave me a page limit!)

Unfortunately, the penalties for failing to comply with the Mississippi law are incredibly steep: fines of $10,000 per user from Mississippi who we don't have identity documents verifying age for, per incident -- which means every time someone from Mississippi loaded Dreamwidth, we'd potentially owe Mississippi $10,000. Even a single $10,000 fine would be rough for us, but the per-user, per-incident nature of the actual fine structure is an existential threat. And because we're part of the organization suing Mississippi over it, and were explicitly named in the now-overturned preliminary injunction, we think the risk of the state deciding to engage in retaliatory prosecution while the full legal challenge continues to work its way through the courts is a lot higher than we're comfortable with. Mississippi has been itching to issue those fines for a while, and while normally we wouldn't worry much because we're a small and obscure site, the fact that we've been yelling at them in court about the law being unconstitutional means the chance of them lumping us in with the big social media giants and trying to fine us is just too high for us to want to risk it. (The excellent lawyers we've been working with are Netchoice's lawyers, not ours!)

All of this means we've made the extremely painful decision that our only possible option for the time being is to block Mississippi IP addresses from accessing Dreamwidth, until we win the case. (And I repeat: I am absolutely incredibly confident we'll win the case. And apparently Justice Kavanaugh agrees!) I repeat: I am so, so sorry. This is the last thing we wanted to do, and I've been fighting my ass off for the last three years to prevent it. But, as everyone who follows the legal system knows, the Fifth Circuit is gonna do what it's gonna do, whether or not what they want to do has any relationship to the actual law.

We don't collect geolocation information ourselves, and we have no idea which of our users are residents of Mississippi. (We also don't want to know that, unless you choose to tell us.) Because of that, and because access to highly accurate geolocation databases is extremely expensive, our only option is to use our network provider's geolocation-based blocking to prevent connections from IP addresses they identify as being from Mississippi from even reaching Dreamwidth in the first place. I have no idea how accurate their geolocation is, and it's possible that some people not in Mississippi might also be affected by this block. (The inaccuracy of geolocation is only, like, the 27th most important reason on the list of "why this law is practically impossible for any site to comply with, much less a tiny site like us".)

If your IP address is identified as coming from Mississippi, beginning on September 1, you'll see a shorter, simpler version of this message and be unable to proceed to the site itself. If you would otherwise be affected, but you have a VPN or proxy service that masks your IP address and changes where your connection appears to come from, you won't get the block message, and you can keep using Dreamwidth the way you usually would.

On a completely unrelated note while I have you all here, have I mentioned lately that I really like ProtonVPN's service, privacy practices, and pricing? They also have a free tier available that, although limited to one device, has no ads or data caps and doesn't log your activity, unlike most of the free VPN services out there. VPNs are an excellent privacy and security tool that every user of the internet should be familiar with! We aren't affiliated with Proton and we don't get any kickbacks if you sign up with them, but I'm a satisfied customer and I wanted to take this chance to let you know that.

Again, we're so incredibly sorry to have to make this announcement, and I personally promise you that I will continue to fight this law, and all of the others like it that various states are passing, with every inch of the New Jersey-bred stubborn fightiness you've come to know and love over the last 16 years. The instant we think it's less legally risky for us to allow connections from Mississippi IP addresses, we'll undo the block and let you know.

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