Because of all the smart passwords across all my devices, I can't get logged into my email right now. I set my 2FA up through my business email, but my business email has shut down because I closed the card its fee came through, so I'm having to go through an entirely other means to get into my email. (I may see if I can just re-create the email again, since it was a business email, but I definitely don't want my back-up to be a domain-based email.)

Only I need to get logged into my email, to apply for jobs at this location where I wouldn't have to drive. I hear it isn't hybrid, but I don't care because it's such a close walking distance I could visit Jake during lunch, which is good enough for me. It just means I have to keep my daily clothes appropriate for work as well to reduce waste. If I do get in there, it pays about £6,000 more than I make now (so after taxes, about £4,000 more, maybe a bit extra).

I also wouldn't need a dog-walker anymore (which I think as mentioned before, she'd welcome, as long as I introduced that slowly, because she wants to focus on training), and I wouldn't need a bus pass, saving me £310/month or thereabouts (presuming I don't drop the dog-walker completely and some days, weeks, and months it may make sense to have a bus pass).

So, not only would I have £4,000 more per year with no car if I got into one of these jobs, but I'd be able to pocket almost £4,000 per year from the money I've been spending, so it would almost be like a 30% raise in spending value. That's almost half of what I could overpay per year this year, easily 10%, so if I lived like I was living now, I could have overpaid 50% of the house by 2030.

Well, or at the very least, overpay 5% and do a big project or two per year. I'd really like to prioritise the fencing and gates (I mean, by 2030, Jake will be nine years old. I'd like him to actually be able to safely go back and forward between the garden and the house during the day while I'm at home.) If we do it ourselves, I think we can keep it under £4,000. Solar panels are also around £4,000, heat conversion is actually closer to £8,000 if we do forced-air heat pumps. Possibly more if we're looking at air conditioning too.

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In the current reality of not working a four-minute walk from my house, I'm still trying to find a weekend job to keep with my 5% overpayment minimum plan, preferably closer to 10%. There's a veterinary receptionist job I'd love (more if I could get one at the vet clinic just up the street, but anyway). The problem is, again, I never get shortlisted.

My friend's visit actually went well - it was really good news. Their spouse has had a health breakthrough and is working more on their independence so they can possibly go and do things together again, and the friend is going to take some respite time, undecided on the trip currently. I'm delighted for them. I imagine that might mean they will need someone watching one of their dogs for a while in the future, not that they asked, but I don't mind that at all if they do - they deserve it.

Other than that, we mostly commented on the dead trees, the garden, plans with the house.

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Jake's bald spot seems mostly specific to one elbow (I'm not convinced it will stay that way - there is flaking at the other, just no spots that seem to be balding yet), and it seems to be balding and getting more noticeable rapidly, which makes me think it is a fungal infection (possibly ringworm). But he has a veterinary appointment on Friday so I'll ask them. Tomorrow, meanwhile, I'll see if I can find any spare Malaseb by the last time he was on it, and if I can't find it, I'll just use the Zymox, which seems to work pretty well, the main problem is it isn't an antifungal. I'll see about getting Chlorexyderm too. They have a spray and gel, and that might be sufficient for 1-2 spots.

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I submitted video to try to get added to a list for fostering dogs, but I am sure they probably think I'm insane because the sitting room looks like a construction zone. Tape over the sockets for cleaning the walls and wallpaper. I want to get the sitting room's sockets changed and try again. But I'm doubting I'll be selected at all before the fencing is renewed, which is sort of silly because I wouldn't leave a dog unattended outside.

I can't figure out how the fuck to put accents on in PCs. I mean, I can play with and eventually guess the right + ALT numbers, and if I did it enough, I'd probably memorise the ones I actually use frequently in my frequent target languages, but it's too damn much. For some reason the ALt Gr button doesn't work for me on this laptop, but it does on my work laptop. I'll have to figure it out at this point because if I'm going to be practising Irish, and Spanish, and French, I really start needing to figure it out.

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I gave away our ice-maker today. I didn't even think to ask for money for it. Patrick hasn't used it in over a year, I'll have no reason to use it indefinitely (we don't have the space in our kitchen till it's updated - we basically only have enough counterspace for the microwave and, at a stretch, our toaster.) I want to get rid of more, but it has to be slow, slow, slow. I'm not a pack-rat other than books, and I'm not sure why because everyone else in my family is. I think I just saw how unhappy family members were and refused to grow attached emotionally to material possessions. Or, possibly it was from the time I was really obsessed with Buddhism and DBT and grew on the idea of impermanence and lack of attachment to material possessions.

Regardless, I'm not attached to possessions, it's usually only hard for me insofar as not wanting to create waste by throwing things away. And the ice-maker is gone, and tomorrow I'll probably see if I can drop off the blender to ReStore (though, I have no idea where its food processing pieces are.) We'll have to revisit those when the kitchen is renewed because those we would use.

Maybe tomorrow I'll try to figure out some more.

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Jake's been smelling really strong lately, like I've been noticing it. Enough so that I have been bathing him once a week (though part of that was to try to help him out - he's been itching a lot and is clearly struggling with the allergies this season).

At first, I thought it was the Zymox Otic ear drops - they tend to leave a residue around his ears for a few days. It's worth it for him to not be scratching his ears hard enough to draw blood, but I'm going to have to clean everything up really well with enzyme remover before Dad gets out.

There is another possibility as I discovered this afternoon - Jake's got major dog dandruff. I saw his hair clumped weird up around his 'elbow' and it was just caked with dandruff. Apparently, that can cause an extra-smelly dog.

I should have figured something like that was going on because he's been licking/chewing his paws. Less since the Zymox Otic, but enough.

Since I've only given him two baths this summer so far, I'm going to guess it is not the shampoo or being over-bathed. My hope currently is that since he'd been itching since before the shampoo, this is all from the allergies and it will reduce after a few more baths. In my defence - he's been licking his paws noticeably less since the first bath. In which case, hopefully this will resolve in another week or two.

The less optimistic situation is on the 22nd, I will be taking him back to the vet for his Cytopoint and Immunotherapy. If it hasn't improved noticeably by then, I'll bring it up with the veterinarian and they will probably put him on the Malaseb shampoo - which would be a pain in the arse because you need to let it set for ten minutes and it's highly toxic. It was hard enough to give him that stuff in the tub, let alone outside. If I find some left over from previous trips, I'll use it, but I don't think I currently have any.

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My friend (the one I stayed with while this sale was going through) wants to come over tomorrow. I basically already told her the house isn't currently fit for houseguests (true! we're currently working on removing the wallpaper/underlayer in the sitting room ONLY and haven't patched the plaster or concrete up, let alone paint. Flooring is still 50 years old. etc.)

Like Dad's staying over, but that's only happening because he's broke from the house and having to rebuild it whilst renting at the same time.

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I'm not sure exactly at what point I'd feel like we could entertain guests? It'll be a while though. My thought is once we've removed the wallpaper everywhere, repainted, redone the flooring (Patrick says when we do that, we'll have to redo the skirting as well), then possibly I'd feel relatively secure entertaining guests for a little bit (sometime during this point I think we'll have air purifiers/dehumidifiers upstairs and downstairs, to help try to mitigate Jake's allergies more.)

But right now, I look at the house, and I'm not sure how to make it look well-finished, and I feel overwhelmed. I feel less overwhelmed now that we've started a project, and I imagine once I've taken some WomensTec and Build It Better courses, and pick up some practise and skills, I'll feel a lot less overwhelmed.

But right now, I see projects that I don't feel confident I can complete without having a professional looking over my shoulder. And I know we have 25 years (more even), which is a long time to build skills and get projects done (though I really hope the big stuff is done pretty well before then, especially the kitchen, the heat conversion, and the fencing/gates).

I really don't want someone over other than family until we at least get what we have downsized and organised. So I hope she doesn't plan on coming inside because I really, really don't want her in here. I'm still trying to make a system to organise around Patrick and until I get that system in place, it's not ready for most guests that even understand this is a work-in-progress.

As an example, Patrick and I agreed before we moved in here we'd get a nice guest set of dinnerwares, glasswares, cutlery for when guests are over, but for us we would only have one plate and one bowl, one glass, and one set of cutlery each. Why? Because both of us but especially Patrick are ADHDers. It always ends up being he uses all the stuff, till it's all dirty, and leaves it by the sink, which I end up cleaning in the morning. And even though we agreed to only have one each to encourage us cleaning through the day, he's been consistently bringing stuff up to his room till it's all used, then bringing it down before he goes to bed planning on washing it later, except later I need them, end up doing most/all the dishes (as many as I can fit onto the drying rack.)

So I finally took two of each item - like Noah's Ark - and hid the rest in my backpacking backpack. I'm going to try to clear out the cupboard above the fridge too, and make it our dinnerware/glassware cupboard until we can renew the kitchen.

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And also honestly, this friend and the idea of their visits or continued relationship has been complicated. I don't know how I feel about her. She helped us so much getting into this house, but then she was so mean from shortly after I started living with her. And I know the adage 'they're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time' completely applies here.

But I have a very long history of dealing with social/peer rejection for things I can't seem to help, so I've already got a sort of rejection hypersensitivity, and also like, I was also having a hard time. I was dealing with two cancer screenings and broken limbs and multiple cancer diagnoses and major surgeries and financial ruin either personally or in immediate family. Managing everything about the house purchase because. And for the most part, I think I managed to not treat anyone like shit. In fact, I still recommend her business, bought her gifts, etc. (Not that I have lately, but I also didn't expect to break my other arm and be broke again.)

And I don't know the reason for the visit and I just feel conflicted and a lot of pressure and wouldn't generally want her over especially not while the house is in 'tip top shape' based on the behaviour when I was living with her.

It could be an apology, which I really don't want one. The way I see it is she doesn't owe me an apology, she was having a hard time and had bitten off more than she could chew, and I had shelter for Jake and myself until we got rehoused, to great distress on her part.

And not liking someone is really not something in someone else's control and shouldn't be taken personally no matter how hypersensitive I was to it. It's not really something to apologise for. People don't all like each other, and people who are AuDHD tend to rub people off within microseconds, and I suspect I belong to one if not both of those categories. (I mean, generally speaking, people seem to think I'm kind. Nice. I have issues with interrupting but am mostly polite. So the issue doesn't seem to be that I'm an asshole, I just rub people wrong, so that pretty much fits the ASD/ADHD paradigm.)

She wants to bring one of her dogs over, so another thought I had was possibly she needs someone to watch or foster this dog who has a behavioural issue that could make that very difficult. Probably not - it's far more likely this is because this dog is less likely to jump my very short fence. But it did occur to me that might be why she wants to meet in person and not just chat via text.

I'd try to do it, of course, I owe her a lot. We'd not be in this house without her help. And that dog is a sweet dog and Jake loves her. Though it's something I'd rather do after the house was rehabbed more and the flooring/painting/skirting boards were done.

The worst fear of mine right up there with asking for a house tour when we haven't done anything except update the sockets in the kitchen, take down a worktop to fit the fridge, and destroy the sitting room with the intentions of patching up the plaster and repainting - is that she ask me for a large sum of money, which I really don't have. I mean, I have a SIPP and ISA but removing money would be taxed at 40% since I'm not over 65, so that would end up being almost nothing. I don't think I can access my work pension. And then our pay uplift this year is only 3.2%. Now I think I read somewhere inflation 2025 has been around 3%, but previous years energy and groceries were up 30%+. So our wages are not near as much in spending value than they were.

I don't know, but I definitely don't feel optimistic about seeing her as I used to and I have to wait till tomorrow to find out why she's meeting me at my house instead of at Waterworks.

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I had this other random weird anxiety that our dog walker was walking out quitting but too anxious to say so and was going to ask her to instead, but I'm not sure why she would. It would be super unprofessional to do that, and it doesn't make any sense. Except I do know she has anxiety issues. I have been worried for months she's going to quit, because even though I've suspected she's not that into walking Jake anymore for a long time (she rarely sends photos or videos anymore, she often comments he's dragging her home immediately after he toilets - something I find a lot more likely when people are new, or they're not eager to walk with him), she's currently the only walker he will go with.

I honestly think, given how everyone tells me Jake's not into hanging out with them and he always just waits for me till I get home and fucks off to his room till I do, that I'm going to seriously consider getting some sort of secure dog kennel built at the back of the house that allows him in and out of the house via a dog door so he can toilet. Like, if he's just toileting and then begging to go back home, it's a lot of money for little benefit.

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The best case scenario is this becomes irrelevant (other than needing someone Jake is able to be with for a housesit - but that has possibly resolved itself - our neighbours down the street have a dog Jake loves, they play for long periods of time. Between them and Patrick, I might avoid ever needing a real sitter - and his dog walker is talking about seriously increasing the price on her housesitting to £60/day, which is beyond my budget.)

My neighbour down the street works for the company that is a four-minute walk from me with far better benefits and pay than where I currently work, and says the person who manages the company lives just up the street from us, and my neighbour thinks he can get me in.

I love where I work but damn, if I can get in??? I'm going to go. I actually would love to walk my own dog every day at lunch (I'd try to keep them if they want to stay 1-2x a week, but like I said, I think they're not into it anymore and looking for an out). I'd not need a car, I'd not even need a bus pass. Permanently. And the pension contribution from the employer is almost 6x my current employer.

Ugh, I just hope I can get in before they quit. Or at least if the dog walker is planning on quitting they give me a few months' notice because they know how long it takes him to him into a new routine.

But, I'm not sure. They still definitely have me on WhatsApp, but I think they might have my phone number blocked on the regular phone.