Danse Macabre, Chapter 20
Dec. 23rd, 2013 10:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lliiraCN: Anita Blake book, phallocentrism.
Time for sex for 16 pages. I'm not sure how to spork this. If you know anything about LKH, you already know what happens. She cannot name body parts; she does not seem to know the clitoris exists; she's phallus-obsessed; she has characters do things that aren't possible; she writes like someone who has never had sex, seen sex, or read about sex; and she writes like someone who does not inhabit a human body.
Well, here we go. Anita says that she never lets herself go except during sex, and that she always does during sex. Otherwise, she's always worrying. "It was the only time I was truly in the moment with no hesitation and no other thought" (179). This is a lie. During sex with Auggie and JC, Anita was not "in the moment". Not only did she not seem to feel anything whatsoever, but she was also pondering how she and JC had never before fucked another man in this way. I find it very hard to believe that there is anyone on the planet who is always "in the moment" during sex, but if there is such a person, it is definitely not Anita.
She says of Micah and Nathaniel, "I held them both in my hands." She talks about how difficult this is. I bet. Anita's got supernatural strength, but it must still be tough to hold one man in each hand, even if one is short and the other is thin.
Before LKH, I never found fault with writers who wrote "he was hard" or "she was wet" or whatever. It can even be rather hot, both in writing and irl. But since LKH never, never, ever uses the right words for genitalia, it really stands out. It's not so noticeable when a writer uses the correct words sometimes and poetic license at other times. I've also read good sex scenes that don't use the proper words, but rather write around them, talking about feelings rather than focusing strictly on the physical.
But LKH focuses entirely on the physicality of sex while being coy about words. Writers who avoid writing the word "penis" don't usually go into long raptures about the relative sizes of particular penii. LKH writes Ikea sex without naming the tools.
Anita tells us it's difficult to jerk off ("play with") two men at the same time. JC is sitting on the foot of the bed watching, not doing anything. I see a solution to your problem right there, Anita. Anita "sees" a memory of JC's about Belle tying him to the bed while refusing to touch him. This is written as if it were a horrible torment, completely evil of Belle to have done, something which we must pity poor widdwe woobie JC for. Which I think is shit. I think this was a consensual scene. Being teased like this is an incredibly common kink. JC knew how Anita would read this memory, and therefore fed it to her so she would pity him. A man who isn't given whatever he wants sexually by a woman, as soon as he wants it? THE HORROR!
There's this weirdness: "I fought free of the memory enough to think, Jean-Claude had been tied to that bed, not me. Too tall to be my body. Too male" (179). How about TOO DEAD? Also, it's so very Anita to think of height before anything else. Anyway, that's Anita being completely in the moment.
Anita kisses JC, and he looks at her with amazement. She's just that good, people. A centuries-old lust vampire treats her like she's a goddess because of one kiss. Though maybe he's looking at her like that because he can read her mind and is amazed at how stupid she is.
By the way, for me, there is almost nothing that can kill attraction faster than pity. Sympathy and empathy can be attractants, but not this kind of "oh the poor little boy" thing. I find it repulsive. Pitying someone -- as opposed to feeling sorry for them -- means I think I am better than them. And what is attractive about someone who is completely helpless? I don't mean someone who needs rescuing on occasion, or is miserable sometimes, or etc. I love hurt/comfort. I mean when a character is ground into the dirt and therefore I am supposed to find said character attractive.
Sorry, I'm bored and therefore going on tangents. I'm bored because I have no idea what half the people in this scene are feeling. Anita had her hands on Micah's and Nathaniel's dicks, but LKH did not tell us what they felt about this at all. They said nothing, they did not move, and they made no sounds. They may as well have been dildos.
Anita takes JC by the hand and drags him up to where Micah and Nathaniel are. This is one huge bed. She then informs us that there are only two ways to fuck multiple men at a time.
I -- the -- wut -- omg I am laughing so hard. I have never had sex with more than one man at a time (I vaguely regret turning down a couple orgies in my 20s, but anyway), and I can think of lots of ways to handle it. LKH would probably say I only think that because I don't have the experience she has, but that would be bollocks. There are far more than two ways to have sex with just one man. I think adding two more men to the mix would multiply the options substantially.
Anyway, Anita claims the choices are 1) they get in line and wait their turn or 2) "they both touched me at the same time, and they did foreplay, or more, with me at the same time" (179). Anita? Didn't you just today have sex with two men in a way that was different than either of your two choices? Also, foreplay comes before sex. This is why it is called "foreplay". And what's "or more"? FFS, my friends and I were clearer about sex when we were 13 and had never made out with anyone, let alone had sex! And we didn't even have the internet!
LKH: www.scarleteen.com.
Oh, Anita realizes after the Auggie thing that there are three choices. I wonder if she realizes she also has a butthole. I know she knows she has a mouth, she talks about enjoying oral sex, so why can't she realize that a dick can go there while there is also a dick in her vagina? Even if we take as a given that all the men must touch her only, which... just, whatever, LKH. I've said before that I am not turned on by guys fucking, but I have had threesome sex fantasies, and the guys touch in them because how else could it possibly work? You're all having sex together!
"I had no idea how to even raise the question to Micah and Nathaniel: would they kiss another man? I mean, when did this sound like a good conversation to have? Never, I think" (179).
Hey kids, guess what time it is? Time to flail in impotent rage! Let's all play along!
Anita, why are you fucking men whom you cannot ask this question? Why are you fucking MULTIPLE MEN at the SAME TIME, one of whom may be the FATHER OF YOUR CHILD, whom you cannot ask this question? I just did a little mental tally of the men I've been intimate with, and realized I know the answer to that question for all of them. (Or did at the time.) Including the dude I only fooled around with for two weeks. And here you are, attempting to navigate a much more complicated relationship structure than most people, and therefore you need to know answers to these questions more than most of us do, and you're terrified of even asking this very simple and necessary question.
"Micah made a soft sound as my hand smoothed over the top of him" (180). Okay, at least he's reacting, but I do not know what he's reacting to. Is she touching his head or his penis? I legitimately don't know this time. We learn Nathaniel likes to be handled more roughly than most men, and Anita has to be careful not to do the same thing to Micah that she's doing to Nathaniel, and I've got this picture in my head of Anita carefully working their cocks like they're levers in a CRPG puzzle.
Anita lectures us some on the proper handling and care of dicks. Well, of men, anyway, since she can't say "dick". Thanks, LKH, I'm glad you're here to inform me how to properly jack off a guy, because it's not like I've ever done it before or like they're all different or anything. She writes like we're all going to be grateful for her expertise, like she's the only woman to ever have touched a penis. It's seriously grating. Especially because her sex advice is all either obvious or wrong.
Speaking of wrong, she calls a cock "velvet muscle" (180).
Anita says she wants JC in her mouth while she plays with Micah and Nathaniel. I guess he's going to shrink down so he can fit in her mouth while she plays Monopoly with the others. JC then asks for Micah and Nathaniel's consent in a seriously stilted, cold shower-type way. I'm glad to see someone asking for consent, but JC sounds like he's at a board meeting. I've never heard anyone ask for consent like this. He does not sound turned on at all. Anita keeps touching Micah and Nathaniel to influence them, exactly as she did with Auggie, and again JC has to tell her to stop.
Anita = Darth Vader. Jean-Claude = Governor Tarkin. Y/y?
Nathaniel gives this a difficulty rating of eight. None of these people act like they're having sex. They're all far too cool and composed, and none of them seem to care what's happening, even though they're in the midst of it. I've had more emotionally charged conversations about pizza toppings.
Anita is insulted about the "eight" comment, Nathaniel says he used to be a prostitute so his "ten" is something she probably doesn't think is physically possible and doesn't want to know about, and she thinks he's right, she doesn't want to know. Yech. I don't think a prude having sex and being prudish in the midst of it is hot. Also, I bet Nathaniel means something like, "people sometimes touch their own genitalia."
We get told how everyone positions themselves. Then Anita "raised my mouth up to slide over Jean-Claude's body" (181). LKH honestly thinks "body" is a synonym for "penis", doesn't she?
Anita thinks about how amazing penii are, that something small can become big. I guess she's supposed to be rhapsodizing over how much she likes cock, which in theory is fine, but the way she does it makes her sound seriously stupid. She goes on and on about sucking a limp dick, and while that sounds no fun to me, there's nothing wrong with enjoying it. But, like the hair thing, I'm not sure LKH realizes that it's not a huge kink for everyone else. Also, she seems to be doing a whole lot to that thing, lots of hard sucking and such. That sounds painful for the guy, since limp dicks are a lot more delicate than hard ones.
And she says that she's "able to do things with his body that I could never have done with him erect". *headdesk* The fact that, during sex, it's normal to do things with the other person's body makes this particularly headdesk-worthy. The phallus is not the only thing involved in the sex act!
Pretty much as soon as JC's dick is in her mouth, Anita starts sucking and jerking off the men super fast and hard. Anyone surprised? Also, the picture I have in my head right now, of little Anita frantically flailing and sucking as fast as she can, is hilarious. Micah stops her because otherwise he's "going to go". So apparently she's making him have to pee. As for JC, his limp dick being sucked really really hard has shot him to ecstasy. But he backs off, along with Micah, and Anita's left with Nathaniel. She squeezes his dick extra hard and he loves it.
Time for rapey creep Nathaniel to be a rapey creep again. He asks Anita what she wants, and she says him inside her. He crawls up her, and she's like wtf, and he says she said inside, not where. Now, this would be fine if Nathaniel was Anita's dom and they had agreed to this sort of thing. He's not and they didn't. She says she doesn't like to swallow without the ardeur, and he says "I know". I think that's why he's doing this. Like Anita, Nathaniel likes to do things to people that they explicitly do not want.
Btw, no one has touched Anita yet, except for a little bit of kissing her lips. Everything is about the guy's penii.
Nathaniel tells Anita what to do sexually, and she thinks "it was more a command than a request, but I'd worked long and hard to have Nathaniel that commanding anywhere in his life. Hard to bitch about it now" (183).
I see two layers of fuckery here. The first is the obvious: they have not agreed that Nathaniel can command Anita this way, and he is being a creep. And you're allowed to complain about something sexual any time you like.
The other starts with the fact that Nathaniel is a submissive. That is his sexuality. He wants to be commanded sexually by someone whom he consents to be his commander. He does NOT want to be the one doing the commanding. But the woman he's placed into position of his dom, and who has accepted that (though she pretends she hasn't), has "worked hard and long" to make him pretend to be a dominant. He's doing this to please her. Period. Anita talks about how she's finally convinced Nathaniel that his sexual pleasure is as important to her as her own, but this shows it's not. If she cared about his sexual pleasure, she would not have tried to make him be sexually commanding. Subs will tie themselves into knots to please, and Anita has forced Nathaniel to do that for her, without even giving him the satisfaction of acknowledging that is what she is doing.
This, plus how Anita regards JC's memory of being tied up, shows that Anita thinks the only acceptable sexuality for men is dominant. And she thinks "dominant" = "rapey creep".
Anita thinks that "we" need to get Nathaniel "wetter so he'd slide better". I. The. What. Okay, first, if Nathaniel's circumcised (all this dick talk and I still don't know), Anita's gonna have to provide all the lubrication. A bit of spit on Nathaniel's dick isn't going to help much, and once you have one layer of spit on it, you can't really build up more. It's not jello. If he's not circumcised, then... he's already wet. And Anita claims she's wet anyway. And Nathaniel is being sucked off anyway, there's no mention that he's going to put his dick in her cunt, so this is a non-issue. I UNDERSTAND NOTHING.
Micah's fingering Anita, btw. It makes her "cry out". Does she like it? Does she hate it? Who the hell knows. Oh and then Nathaniel almost kills her with his cock.
I'm neither kidding nor exaggerrating. Nathaniel jams his cock so far down Anita's throat that she almost chokes to death. He says but that works with the ardeur, she says the ardeur isn't on now, he says but waah you've done it before, she says only twice don't do that again, he says he's sorry and now it's obvious that we're supposed to feel bad for him even though he just almost suffocated a woman with his cock. So, because she feels bad for him and for no other reason whatsoever, Anita starts sucking him off again.
I wonder what JC's doing during this. Sexting Asher maybe?
Anita mentions how Nathaniel's dick ("velvet muscle" again) is slick from her own saliva, and how she loves that sensation. Um, ew. Again, nothing wrong with it, but the way Anita describes it combines the clinical ("saliva") with the ridiculous ("velvet muscle"), and ends up gross. Then she starts four consecutive sentences with "I sucked". Then she talks about swallowing all the extra saliva she has from sucking Nathaniel so incredibly hard and deep. Um, ew again. Yeah, it happens, but focusing on it while writing a sex scene that's supposed to be both serious and hot is definitely not sexy. Also, I think Anita is not good at blow jobs. Pace yourself, woman.
Nathaniel basically worships Anita for this frankly crappy blowjob. "He was the only one of us who simply gave" (184). Hmm.
Fingers then get stuck inside Anita. They're supposed to be in her vagina, but she just says "inside". They go so fast they "tore a scream from me." Okay, I've reached my breaking point with this word. Shouting, moaning, crying, calling, laughing, and many other loud noises can be perfectly appropriate for characters during sex. Screaming means something different. People do not SCREAM during consensual sex (unless they're rping something else). The first dictionary definition may be "a loud, piercing cry", but dictionary definitions are not sufficient for writers. The connotation of the word "scream" is entirely wrong. In common usage, it usually denotes terror, pain or anger. It is not appropriate to use for sexual ecstasy.
Though hell, we're not told what Anita's feeling here, so maybe she is screaming in terror, pain, or anger. Anyway, the fingers are JC's. No one else can make her scream so fast. And that's what's hottest about sex: coming really, really, really fast. It's a race, and the faster you can get to orgasm and get it over with, the better.
Anita grabs Micah's hand and digs her nails into it. "He stared down at me with such a look on his face" (185). That's clear as mud, thanks LKH. Micah tells JC to wait -- okay, this is too long, I will sum up. They treat Anita like a blow-up doll. Then LKH descends from on high to inform us of some more sex "facts": "Intercourse, you want to last as long as possible; orally, duration is not always an asset. Totally different skillsets."
1) No, I don't. 2) Oh, you mean sucking a cock for hour after hour after hour isn't always the most fun thing in the universe? Gee, I did not know that, thanks for informing me. 3) No, they are not "totally" different, as they are both sex, and by the way calling them "skillsets" might be amusing if you ever showed any emotion during sex, but as it is, I think you're dead serious and that you think that there are objective skill levels when it comes to sex, and that is cosmically wrong.
Anita refers to a movement she makes "as if I had given him permission." Not that this movement gives him permission, either through her body language or a pre-arranged signal, but as if. Urgh.
"I screamed, screamed, and screamed, screamed my pleasure..." (186). Dear gods. A grown person wrote that. Other grown persons published it. How do we live in such a world?
I think this is the longest sex scene ever written. I think the pagecount is a lie; it's not really a 16-page chapter, it's 1600 pages, and some terrible magic has been performed to tardis the longest sex scene in existence into these pages.
So, uh, more sex. I guess. Really, it's just more orgasms. JC is good at making Anita have them fast, we are informed again. He fucks her really hard and fast too. Humpity hump as hard and fast as you can to get to the orgasms and get it over with: that's the Anita way. She actually counts how many thrusts it takes for her to come. It's five.
Five. I... yeah. Can't think of anything to add to that. Five.
Anita realizes, huh, she promised to use condoms. "But the worst had happened, I was already pregnant, it didn't matter any more" (187). I guess vampires and therians can't carry any STIs? I completely understand the appeal of not wanting to deal with that in a fantasy work, but there's something about the way LKH does this that bugs me. I can understand vampires not being able to get diseases, since they're dead and all, but I think stuff would have evolved that could infect therians. Also, I'm now wondering if the pregnancy scare is at least partly an excuse not to use condoms. Idk, I feel like there's something going on with this condom/no condom thing that isn't readily apparent to me.
LKH keeps repeating phrases, like "thrust into me". Anita says JC had "caught her by surprise" when he stuck his cock into her cunt -- great, thanks for that. And then Nathaniel is fucking her as hard and fast as he can so she comes really really fast again.
This is just... it's not how it works. Sex is simply not all about orgasming as quickly as possible. All sticking stuff into Anita, all about orgasms, no emotions, not even any physical sensations. The men don't touch each other, and Anita, for being the center of attention, actually hasn't gotten much real attention. The guys just want to stick their dicks in her, one after another.
When Nathaniel has his dick in Anita, it reads like a wrestling match. Nathaniel is trying to do one thing, and Anita is trying to prevent it because I guess she wants his dick to stay deep inside her while he wants to keep thrusting as hard and fast as possible. There is absolutely zero consideration for the other person's wants here. This is simply not how sex is at all.
At one point, Anita tells Nathaniel, "Yes, go, go, go inside me. God, go, please!" Go go Gadget cock! Also, the word is "come", LKH, unless you want Anita to be begging Nathaniel to pee inside her, which I think would be unhealthy. I'm not going to look it up, though, because I don't know how to do that without running into golden shower porn, and the latest Merry book's cover is bad enough.
Anita's all exhausted from being fucked by three men. I don't know why; none of them lasted for a respectable length of time. Anita talked about wanting "intercourse" to last as long as possible, but she blew the guys for much longer than they fucked her. MUCH longer. These are supposed to be her regular lovers, with whom she has sex very often, and yet they each lasted about a minute. They have rotten personalities, silly looks, all they know how to do sexually is thrust hard and fast, and they're 5-pump chumps. How is this series hot to anyone in any way?
Nathaniel says he loves Anita (whatever). Anita says she loves him too. Then informs us, "And I did" (189). Ahahahahah no. He doesn't love you and you don't love him. If you did love him, you wouldn't feel the need to add that "and I did" after it. You love Richard, as much as you're capable of loving anyone.
How is it even possible to write such a long sex scene with no feeling to it at all? I feel like I just watched fish mate. I think most people show more affection and care for their sex toys than Anita and her men do for each other.
Time for sex for 16 pages. I'm not sure how to spork this. If you know anything about LKH, you already know what happens. She cannot name body parts; she does not seem to know the clitoris exists; she's phallus-obsessed; she has characters do things that aren't possible; she writes like someone who has never had sex, seen sex, or read about sex; and she writes like someone who does not inhabit a human body.
Well, here we go. Anita says that she never lets herself go except during sex, and that she always does during sex. Otherwise, she's always worrying. "It was the only time I was truly in the moment with no hesitation and no other thought" (179). This is a lie. During sex with Auggie and JC, Anita was not "in the moment". Not only did she not seem to feel anything whatsoever, but she was also pondering how she and JC had never before fucked another man in this way. I find it very hard to believe that there is anyone on the planet who is always "in the moment" during sex, but if there is such a person, it is definitely not Anita.
She says of Micah and Nathaniel, "I held them both in my hands." She talks about how difficult this is. I bet. Anita's got supernatural strength, but it must still be tough to hold one man in each hand, even if one is short and the other is thin.
Before LKH, I never found fault with writers who wrote "he was hard" or "she was wet" or whatever. It can even be rather hot, both in writing and irl. But since LKH never, never, ever uses the right words for genitalia, it really stands out. It's not so noticeable when a writer uses the correct words sometimes and poetic license at other times. I've also read good sex scenes that don't use the proper words, but rather write around them, talking about feelings rather than focusing strictly on the physical.
But LKH focuses entirely on the physicality of sex while being coy about words. Writers who avoid writing the word "penis" don't usually go into long raptures about the relative sizes of particular penii. LKH writes Ikea sex without naming the tools.
Anita tells us it's difficult to jerk off ("play with") two men at the same time. JC is sitting on the foot of the bed watching, not doing anything. I see a solution to your problem right there, Anita. Anita "sees" a memory of JC's about Belle tying him to the bed while refusing to touch him. This is written as if it were a horrible torment, completely evil of Belle to have done, something which we must pity poor widdwe woobie JC for. Which I think is shit. I think this was a consensual scene. Being teased like this is an incredibly common kink. JC knew how Anita would read this memory, and therefore fed it to her so she would pity him. A man who isn't given whatever he wants sexually by a woman, as soon as he wants it? THE HORROR!
There's this weirdness: "I fought free of the memory enough to think, Jean-Claude had been tied to that bed, not me. Too tall to be my body. Too male" (179). How about TOO DEAD? Also, it's so very Anita to think of height before anything else. Anyway, that's Anita being completely in the moment.
Anita kisses JC, and he looks at her with amazement. She's just that good, people. A centuries-old lust vampire treats her like she's a goddess because of one kiss. Though maybe he's looking at her like that because he can read her mind and is amazed at how stupid she is.
By the way, for me, there is almost nothing that can kill attraction faster than pity. Sympathy and empathy can be attractants, but not this kind of "oh the poor little boy" thing. I find it repulsive. Pitying someone -- as opposed to feeling sorry for them -- means I think I am better than them. And what is attractive about someone who is completely helpless? I don't mean someone who needs rescuing on occasion, or is miserable sometimes, or etc. I love hurt/comfort. I mean when a character is ground into the dirt and therefore I am supposed to find said character attractive.
Sorry, I'm bored and therefore going on tangents. I'm bored because I have no idea what half the people in this scene are feeling. Anita had her hands on Micah's and Nathaniel's dicks, but LKH did not tell us what they felt about this at all. They said nothing, they did not move, and they made no sounds. They may as well have been dildos.
Anita takes JC by the hand and drags him up to where Micah and Nathaniel are. This is one huge bed. She then informs us that there are only two ways to fuck multiple men at a time.
I -- the -- wut -- omg I am laughing so hard. I have never had sex with more than one man at a time (I vaguely regret turning down a couple orgies in my 20s, but anyway), and I can think of lots of ways to handle it. LKH would probably say I only think that because I don't have the experience she has, but that would be bollocks. There are far more than two ways to have sex with just one man. I think adding two more men to the mix would multiply the options substantially.
Anyway, Anita claims the choices are 1) they get in line and wait their turn or 2) "they both touched me at the same time, and they did foreplay, or more, with me at the same time" (179). Anita? Didn't you just today have sex with two men in a way that was different than either of your two choices? Also, foreplay comes before sex. This is why it is called "foreplay". And what's "or more"? FFS, my friends and I were clearer about sex when we were 13 and had never made out with anyone, let alone had sex! And we didn't even have the internet!
LKH: www.scarleteen.com.
Oh, Anita realizes after the Auggie thing that there are three choices. I wonder if she realizes she also has a butthole. I know she knows she has a mouth, she talks about enjoying oral sex, so why can't she realize that a dick can go there while there is also a dick in her vagina? Even if we take as a given that all the men must touch her only, which... just, whatever, LKH. I've said before that I am not turned on by guys fucking, but I have had threesome sex fantasies, and the guys touch in them because how else could it possibly work? You're all having sex together!
"I had no idea how to even raise the question to Micah and Nathaniel: would they kiss another man? I mean, when did this sound like a good conversation to have? Never, I think" (179).
Hey kids, guess what time it is? Time to flail in impotent rage! Let's all play along!
Anita, why are you fucking men whom you cannot ask this question? Why are you fucking MULTIPLE MEN at the SAME TIME, one of whom may be the FATHER OF YOUR CHILD, whom you cannot ask this question? I just did a little mental tally of the men I've been intimate with, and realized I know the answer to that question for all of them. (Or did at the time.) Including the dude I only fooled around with for two weeks. And here you are, attempting to navigate a much more complicated relationship structure than most people, and therefore you need to know answers to these questions more than most of us do, and you're terrified of even asking this very simple and necessary question.
"Micah made a soft sound as my hand smoothed over the top of him" (180). Okay, at least he's reacting, but I do not know what he's reacting to. Is she touching his head or his penis? I legitimately don't know this time. We learn Nathaniel likes to be handled more roughly than most men, and Anita has to be careful not to do the same thing to Micah that she's doing to Nathaniel, and I've got this picture in my head of Anita carefully working their cocks like they're levers in a CRPG puzzle.
Anita lectures us some on the proper handling and care of dicks. Well, of men, anyway, since she can't say "dick". Thanks, LKH, I'm glad you're here to inform me how to properly jack off a guy, because it's not like I've ever done it before or like they're all different or anything. She writes like we're all going to be grateful for her expertise, like she's the only woman to ever have touched a penis. It's seriously grating. Especially because her sex advice is all either obvious or wrong.
Speaking of wrong, she calls a cock "velvet muscle" (180).
Anita says she wants JC in her mouth while she plays with Micah and Nathaniel. I guess he's going to shrink down so he can fit in her mouth while she plays Monopoly with the others. JC then asks for Micah and Nathaniel's consent in a seriously stilted, cold shower-type way. I'm glad to see someone asking for consent, but JC sounds like he's at a board meeting. I've never heard anyone ask for consent like this. He does not sound turned on at all. Anita keeps touching Micah and Nathaniel to influence them, exactly as she did with Auggie, and again JC has to tell her to stop.
Anita = Darth Vader. Jean-Claude = Governor Tarkin. Y/y?
Nathaniel gives this a difficulty rating of eight. None of these people act like they're having sex. They're all far too cool and composed, and none of them seem to care what's happening, even though they're in the midst of it. I've had more emotionally charged conversations about pizza toppings.
Anita is insulted about the "eight" comment, Nathaniel says he used to be a prostitute so his "ten" is something she probably doesn't think is physically possible and doesn't want to know about, and she thinks he's right, she doesn't want to know. Yech. I don't think a prude having sex and being prudish in the midst of it is hot. Also, I bet Nathaniel means something like, "people sometimes touch their own genitalia."
We get told how everyone positions themselves. Then Anita "raised my mouth up to slide over Jean-Claude's body" (181). LKH honestly thinks "body" is a synonym for "penis", doesn't she?
Anita thinks about how amazing penii are, that something small can become big. I guess she's supposed to be rhapsodizing over how much she likes cock, which in theory is fine, but the way she does it makes her sound seriously stupid. She goes on and on about sucking a limp dick, and while that sounds no fun to me, there's nothing wrong with enjoying it. But, like the hair thing, I'm not sure LKH realizes that it's not a huge kink for everyone else. Also, she seems to be doing a whole lot to that thing, lots of hard sucking and such. That sounds painful for the guy, since limp dicks are a lot more delicate than hard ones.
And she says that she's "able to do things with his body that I could never have done with him erect". *headdesk* The fact that, during sex, it's normal to do things with the other person's body makes this particularly headdesk-worthy. The phallus is not the only thing involved in the sex act!
Pretty much as soon as JC's dick is in her mouth, Anita starts sucking and jerking off the men super fast and hard. Anyone surprised? Also, the picture I have in my head right now, of little Anita frantically flailing and sucking as fast as she can, is hilarious. Micah stops her because otherwise he's "going to go". So apparently she's making him have to pee. As for JC, his limp dick being sucked really really hard has shot him to ecstasy. But he backs off, along with Micah, and Anita's left with Nathaniel. She squeezes his dick extra hard and he loves it.
Time for rapey creep Nathaniel to be a rapey creep again. He asks Anita what she wants, and she says him inside her. He crawls up her, and she's like wtf, and he says she said inside, not where. Now, this would be fine if Nathaniel was Anita's dom and they had agreed to this sort of thing. He's not and they didn't. She says she doesn't like to swallow without the ardeur, and he says "I know". I think that's why he's doing this. Like Anita, Nathaniel likes to do things to people that they explicitly do not want.
Btw, no one has touched Anita yet, except for a little bit of kissing her lips. Everything is about the guy's penii.
Nathaniel tells Anita what to do sexually, and she thinks "it was more a command than a request, but I'd worked long and hard to have Nathaniel that commanding anywhere in his life. Hard to bitch about it now" (183).
I see two layers of fuckery here. The first is the obvious: they have not agreed that Nathaniel can command Anita this way, and he is being a creep. And you're allowed to complain about something sexual any time you like.
The other starts with the fact that Nathaniel is a submissive. That is his sexuality. He wants to be commanded sexually by someone whom he consents to be his commander. He does NOT want to be the one doing the commanding. But the woman he's placed into position of his dom, and who has accepted that (though she pretends she hasn't), has "worked hard and long" to make him pretend to be a dominant. He's doing this to please her. Period. Anita talks about how she's finally convinced Nathaniel that his sexual pleasure is as important to her as her own, but this shows it's not. If she cared about his sexual pleasure, she would not have tried to make him be sexually commanding. Subs will tie themselves into knots to please, and Anita has forced Nathaniel to do that for her, without even giving him the satisfaction of acknowledging that is what she is doing.
This, plus how Anita regards JC's memory of being tied up, shows that Anita thinks the only acceptable sexuality for men is dominant. And she thinks "dominant" = "rapey creep".
Anita thinks that "we" need to get Nathaniel "wetter so he'd slide better". I. The. What. Okay, first, if Nathaniel's circumcised (all this dick talk and I still don't know), Anita's gonna have to provide all the lubrication. A bit of spit on Nathaniel's dick isn't going to help much, and once you have one layer of spit on it, you can't really build up more. It's not jello. If he's not circumcised, then... he's already wet. And Anita claims she's wet anyway. And Nathaniel is being sucked off anyway, there's no mention that he's going to put his dick in her cunt, so this is a non-issue. I UNDERSTAND NOTHING.
Micah's fingering Anita, btw. It makes her "cry out". Does she like it? Does she hate it? Who the hell knows. Oh and then Nathaniel almost kills her with his cock.
I'm neither kidding nor exaggerrating. Nathaniel jams his cock so far down Anita's throat that she almost chokes to death. He says but that works with the ardeur, she says the ardeur isn't on now, he says but waah you've done it before, she says only twice don't do that again, he says he's sorry and now it's obvious that we're supposed to feel bad for him even though he just almost suffocated a woman with his cock. So, because she feels bad for him and for no other reason whatsoever, Anita starts sucking him off again.
I wonder what JC's doing during this. Sexting Asher maybe?
Anita mentions how Nathaniel's dick ("velvet muscle" again) is slick from her own saliva, and how she loves that sensation. Um, ew. Again, nothing wrong with it, but the way Anita describes it combines the clinical ("saliva") with the ridiculous ("velvet muscle"), and ends up gross. Then she starts four consecutive sentences with "I sucked". Then she talks about swallowing all the extra saliva she has from sucking Nathaniel so incredibly hard and deep. Um, ew again. Yeah, it happens, but focusing on it while writing a sex scene that's supposed to be both serious and hot is definitely not sexy. Also, I think Anita is not good at blow jobs. Pace yourself, woman.
Nathaniel basically worships Anita for this frankly crappy blowjob. "He was the only one of us who simply gave" (184). Hmm.
Fingers then get stuck inside Anita. They're supposed to be in her vagina, but she just says "inside". They go so fast they "tore a scream from me." Okay, I've reached my breaking point with this word. Shouting, moaning, crying, calling, laughing, and many other loud noises can be perfectly appropriate for characters during sex. Screaming means something different. People do not SCREAM during consensual sex (unless they're rping something else). The first dictionary definition may be "a loud, piercing cry", but dictionary definitions are not sufficient for writers. The connotation of the word "scream" is entirely wrong. In common usage, it usually denotes terror, pain or anger. It is not appropriate to use for sexual ecstasy.
Though hell, we're not told what Anita's feeling here, so maybe she is screaming in terror, pain, or anger. Anyway, the fingers are JC's. No one else can make her scream so fast. And that's what's hottest about sex: coming really, really, really fast. It's a race, and the faster you can get to orgasm and get it over with, the better.
Anita grabs Micah's hand and digs her nails into it. "He stared down at me with such a look on his face" (185). That's clear as mud, thanks LKH. Micah tells JC to wait -- okay, this is too long, I will sum up. They treat Anita like a blow-up doll. Then LKH descends from on high to inform us of some more sex "facts": "Intercourse, you want to last as long as possible; orally, duration is not always an asset. Totally different skillsets."
1) No, I don't. 2) Oh, you mean sucking a cock for hour after hour after hour isn't always the most fun thing in the universe? Gee, I did not know that, thanks for informing me. 3) No, they are not "totally" different, as they are both sex, and by the way calling them "skillsets" might be amusing if you ever showed any emotion during sex, but as it is, I think you're dead serious and that you think that there are objective skill levels when it comes to sex, and that is cosmically wrong.
Anita refers to a movement she makes "as if I had given him permission." Not that this movement gives him permission, either through her body language or a pre-arranged signal, but as if. Urgh.
"I screamed, screamed, and screamed, screamed my pleasure..." (186). Dear gods. A grown person wrote that. Other grown persons published it. How do we live in such a world?
I think this is the longest sex scene ever written. I think the pagecount is a lie; it's not really a 16-page chapter, it's 1600 pages, and some terrible magic has been performed to tardis the longest sex scene in existence into these pages.
So, uh, more sex. I guess. Really, it's just more orgasms. JC is good at making Anita have them fast, we are informed again. He fucks her really hard and fast too. Humpity hump as hard and fast as you can to get to the orgasms and get it over with: that's the Anita way. She actually counts how many thrusts it takes for her to come. It's five.
Five. I... yeah. Can't think of anything to add to that. Five.
Anita realizes, huh, she promised to use condoms. "But the worst had happened, I was already pregnant, it didn't matter any more" (187). I guess vampires and therians can't carry any STIs? I completely understand the appeal of not wanting to deal with that in a fantasy work, but there's something about the way LKH does this that bugs me. I can understand vampires not being able to get diseases, since they're dead and all, but I think stuff would have evolved that could infect therians. Also, I'm now wondering if the pregnancy scare is at least partly an excuse not to use condoms. Idk, I feel like there's something going on with this condom/no condom thing that isn't readily apparent to me.
LKH keeps repeating phrases, like "thrust into me". Anita says JC had "caught her by surprise" when he stuck his cock into her cunt -- great, thanks for that. And then Nathaniel is fucking her as hard and fast as he can so she comes really really fast again.
This is just... it's not how it works. Sex is simply not all about orgasming as quickly as possible. All sticking stuff into Anita, all about orgasms, no emotions, not even any physical sensations. The men don't touch each other, and Anita, for being the center of attention, actually hasn't gotten much real attention. The guys just want to stick their dicks in her, one after another.
When Nathaniel has his dick in Anita, it reads like a wrestling match. Nathaniel is trying to do one thing, and Anita is trying to prevent it because I guess she wants his dick to stay deep inside her while he wants to keep thrusting as hard and fast as possible. There is absolutely zero consideration for the other person's wants here. This is simply not how sex is at all.
At one point, Anita tells Nathaniel, "Yes, go, go, go inside me. God, go, please!" Go go Gadget cock! Also, the word is "come", LKH, unless you want Anita to be begging Nathaniel to pee inside her, which I think would be unhealthy. I'm not going to look it up, though, because I don't know how to do that without running into golden shower porn, and the latest Merry book's cover is bad enough.
Anita's all exhausted from being fucked by three men. I don't know why; none of them lasted for a respectable length of time. Anita talked about wanting "intercourse" to last as long as possible, but she blew the guys for much longer than they fucked her. MUCH longer. These are supposed to be her regular lovers, with whom she has sex very often, and yet they each lasted about a minute. They have rotten personalities, silly looks, all they know how to do sexually is thrust hard and fast, and they're 5-pump chumps. How is this series hot to anyone in any way?
Nathaniel says he loves Anita (whatever). Anita says she loves him too. Then informs us, "And I did" (189). Ahahahahah no. He doesn't love you and you don't love him. If you did love him, you wouldn't feel the need to add that "and I did" after it. You love Richard, as much as you're capable of loving anyone.
How is it even possible to write such a long sex scene with no feeling to it at all? I feel like I just watched fish mate. I think most people show more affection and care for their sex toys than Anita and her men do for each other.
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Date: 2014-01-01 05:47 am (UTC)I am seriously considering the possibility that her kid was conceived through turkey baster.