Danse Macabre, Chapter 7, part 1
Aug. 7th, 2013 04:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lliiraCN: Anita Blake book
Chapter 7 opens with Anita kissing Thea. She says Thea feeds at her mouth and talks about tasting her. It's like two milkshakes making out. I do not find this appealing. At least Thea tastes salty this time.
"I licked her lip, and found that there was a whitish film on the fullness of her mouth" (53). Is Thea rabid? Ick. And licking someone's lips while you're kissing them sounds strange.
Anita hears the ocean and some kind of magic something happens that makes all the men in the room and the one other woman act like they're having a tough time controlling themselves in some way. Maybe they all have to pee. Everyone's eyes have turned black except Samuel's. This sounds like it could be interesting, but it's written like a grocery list. Anita is simply observing everyone and I have no idea what she's feeling, if anything. If she doesn't care, why should I?
Thea steps away from Anita and replaces herself with Thomas. Anita claims that she wasn't thinking that Thomas was seventeen or that they had an audience. Suuuure. Anita loves barely legal boys and she loves having an audience. But of course Anita cannot own her desires -- no, this is all because Thea mind-controlled her. Gods forbid Anita ever do anything sexual because she wants to.
Thomas finds the gun at the small of Anita's back and hesitates. I'd forgotten about that. Anita's also got a huge knife along her spine.
If your character has sex with Isabela in Dragon Age 2, the fact that she's a bristling armory and you have to get rid of all these knives to get near each other is played for laughs. Isabela has a sense of humor about it. Guess whether Anita has a sense of humor about it. Two guesses, and the first doesn't count.
"He looked fresh and new and untried, like someone who had never hugged someone and found her wearing a gun" (53). Anita seems to have invented a new concept: gun virginity. Thomas didn't notice the knife (how is that possible), and Anita claims "you don't miss a knife as long as a forearm, not and live, not for long. Not in my world." Okay, at first that seems to make sense. But then I thought about it some more, and now I don't think it's as badass as it sounds. Anita's world contains superstrong werepeople and mindraping vampires. Those are the only people she has sex with, ever. They could easily kill her, knife or no knife. Also, that huge knife along the spine is terribly impractical. It feels like there are a couple totems here: the humongous knife, which would be difficult to walk around with and likely wouldn't do much good anyway; and the idea that if you do notice a huge knife like that, you're more safe.
Anita thinks Thomas' world is "a gentler, kinder place than my life" (54). This is true, because Thomas is not raped on a regular basis by metaphysical bullshit. Thea wants Anita to greet her other sons. Micah says to be fair, they should greet one of Auggie's people next instead. Thea says those people are only Auggie's henchman and mistress, but that Thea and Samuel have brought their "flesh and blood" and therefore should take precedence. Micah tries to be diplomatic and Anita cuts him off. She is tired of being "all polite and hosty". This woman is so twee. She's done being nice, but says she won't be rude either. I don't know how she'll manage that.
Thea is angry that "Augustine's whore" is higher in rank than her own sons. Sigh. She talks in this nasty way about the woman Auggie brought with him, but not the man. The "statuesque brunette" near Auggie is protesting (she doesn't get any lines yet though), and Anita says she doesn't blame her. Yeah, just wait until it's Anita's turn to have an opinion about this poor woman.
Thea and Anita continue to argue. Thea says she's seen into Anita's mind and knows that Anita doesn't want her sons, so without mindrape, they have no chance at "your bed, your body, or your power" (55). I don't think this makes any sense for Thea to think. She's been presented as having an extremely archaic viewpoint. I think she would assume that Anita would put her own physical desires after what's smart politically. Further, the way vampire society works in Anitaworld, I don't think any of them would assume someone powerful would be stupid enough to be entirely led by her vulva when considering a political alliance, even one cemented through sex. On the other hand, it is possible that Thea already knows that Anita is just that stupid.
Anita reacts by fearing Thea. Not because Thea has made known her ability and willingness to mindrape Anita, but because Thea might now know Anita is afraid she might be pregnant. Priorities, woman, do you have them? Also, LKH thinks "yay" is spelled "yea". Anita thinks Thea would be too odd to talk to if she doesn't understand why being pregnant would scare her. Not because of the whole centuries-old-mindrapist thing, though, that's perfectly understandable.
Anita decides to look at Auggie and his girlfriend. Unlike the lavish tonguebaths Anita invariably gives white men while describing them, this unnamed woman gets a couple paragraphs of pure spite. The woman is over six feet tall. Anita claims "there was no play of muscle to her arms or legs," which is impossible unless the woman is from the same species as Gumby. The woman is making angry gestures -- but again, not speaking. And the "angry gestures" aren't described. I like to think she can see Anita's scorn and is flipping her off in return. The woman's wearing a short dress and no underwear, and to this Anita thinks, "oh, my". Anita's supposed to be 27 in this, but she sounds more like a particularly sheltered and prudish 72.
The second paragraph starts by informing us that the woman's face is "perfect in a high-cheekboned, almost stark way" (55-6). Oh fuck you, says I, high cheekbones and all. Blah blah blah the woman has lots of makeup and big breasts and isn't wearing a bra so Anita knows they must be fake because they stay perky without a bra. Anita herself has extraordinarily massive boobs and believes a tight shirt with no bra can support them. But I guess since she's Anita, her breasts really do somehow stay perfectly perky at all times without any support while also being entirely natural. Also by 2006, when this book was published, it wasn't really possible to tell fake boobs from real ones solely by looking. I find it hard to believe this particular woman would have a bad boob job. Furthermore, "they rode under her dress like they were way more solid than breasts were meant to be". I think you mean "hard", LKH. Unsolidified breasts don't sound very healthy.
On sporking_rat's journal there was a discussion about how Anita's descriptions of people seem to occur in real time. Here is more evidence for that fact: "It took Micah tugging on my hand to let me know I'd missed something, staring at her chest." Anita has been standing there ogling this poor woman's chest for at least as long as it took her to tell us about it. Oh yeah, that's not rude at all.
The woman's name is "Bunny". So we'll hate her more, because how stupid of her, to be named "Bunny". I'd like Bunny to take out a gun with silver bullets or whatever is used to kill people like the assholes in this room and have herself a nice little bloodbath. A pretty little pearl-handled pistol. A PINK pretty little pearl-handled pistol.
But I have to leave my happy place for now and get back to reading the Bunny-hating.
Ahahahahah but first Bunny gets a bit of her own back. She says, "at least I'm only whoring for one man, not a dozen." Hahahahahahahah okay yeah, I suppose what Bunny said was sort of not cool, but I still love it. Not as much as I'd love for her to shoot Anita's skull, low cheekbones and all, of course.
Anita had been staring openly and raptly at Bunny's breasts for so long, Micah actually had to physically tug on her to stop her from doing it, and Anita claims Bunny is being "too rude". Oh please. You're lucky she didn't make you eat your own knife, you hypocritical little turd.
Auggie is infuriated and demands Bunny apologize. She says, "why am I a whore, when his wife is pimping out her own sons, and that one is fucking everything and everyone that will stand still?" Well, you're a whore if you're being paid for fucking, but I'm not sure Bunny is being paid. I think she may actually be Auggie's girlfriend. Also, she's wrong about Anita: Anita doesn't fuck anything that will stand still. She likes prey that runs, and it has to be male and white and preferably short. And I'm not sure what she'd do with a bald man. Or a fat one. Anyhow, Bunny still has a point -- she shouldn't be insulted for her sexuality, and these people doing so while panting at Anita's feet are gigantic hypocrites -- but of course she is never answered. She questioned the almighty perfection of Anita by being tall and pretty and having high cheekbones and being a woman who fucked someone Anita's attracted to, so she must be made to suffer and suffer and suffer some more. She's wrestled out of the room by a couple bodyguards and sent back to Chicago. Actually, she should count herself lucky. In later books, Anita will rape and beat the shit out of women for much less.
Anita's all "waaah why was Bunny so meen 2 me" and Auggie's all "bcuz u r so purty" and Anita's all "rilly?" and he is all "u r naturl buty" and Anita's all "huh?" and Auggie's all "[the men in the room] wanted to touch you, in a way that is rare" (57). Anita is all "wuh" and Nathaniel is all "srsly u is only purty grl in teh hole wide world" and Anita's all "I dun get it" and Auggie finally says it's because she's a necromancer.
LKH? I've gathered from your writing that you think it's kind of odd for a dude to want to screw chicks, but trust me: it's not. It's not unusual to want to fuck anyone. And every man in that room did not fall in love with Anita. They wanted to fuck her. Not that love, and wanting to make love, are rare either. But seriously, "wow, that woman's hot, I'd like to have sex with her": not rare. You see, most men find women attractive. And men have different tastes. And these tastes gel enough with how enough real women actually are that, well, it's not rare to be touched by men in all sorts of ways if one should so desire.
Maybe they wanted to pick Anita's nose. That would be pretty rare.
Okay so we get to the men Auggie's brought to possibly be Anita's pomme de sang. Now this is whoring, no question about it. They don't get called whores though. Auggie is here to trade one of them for "a bedmate of Belle's line" (58), which I believe means one of the vampires under JC. ("Bedmate", Anita? Really?) "One was brunette, the other pale." I don't think I've ever heard hair described as "pale". Or, I guess, skin described as "brunette" (which should be "brunet" to describe a man). I think LKH is trying to say the one who is not dark-haired is pale, but as there are plenty of pale people with dark hair, this juxtaposition makes no sense.
Here we get introduced to someone who will become important in later books: Haven. We don't get his real name yet, though. Instead, we get a description (tongue bath), which includes a rhapsody over his blue hair. Because of the hair, Anita mentally dubs him "Cookie Monster". So. Fucking. Twee. And it does not make any sense to me that there would be Muppets exactly like the Muppets in our world, names and all, if therians existed and were known to exist. Today's Very Special Sesame Street: Grover is infected with lycanthropy.
"Cookie Monster" looks "as if we just amused the hell out of him".
Okay, I pondered this for a while, and then decided I'm not going to pretend the elephant in the room is not there. It is speculated, with pretty good evidence, that Haven is somewhat based on LKH's then-bodyguard, or her fantasy version of him anyway. I think Haven's amusement fits with this theory.
Anita immediately, before she's spoken with either of them, decides she doesn't want them. They're "too dominant, too unbending" (59). Being dominant and being unbending are NOT traits that always exist together. One doesn't follow from the other in even the slightest way. And I don't know why Anita doesn't want a dominant man. These men are Auggie's servants, so obviously they know how to serve and likely won't give any trouble in that area, and that doesn't have anything to do with being dominant either. I suspect Anita means the men are dominant in bed, though since she doesn't understand that being dominant sexually and being dominant in everyday life are entirely separate things, I'm not so sure. In any case, why not have a sexually dominant man in there? Mix things up a bit? Especially if the guy is attracted to Nathaniel -- the poor goober is absolutely desperate to be dominated, as we will see later. And that someone is a dominant doesn't mean they always have to have sex in which they are dominant, so if Anita doesn't want to be dominated, she can let him fulfill that need elsewhere. Though I still don't believe she can tell it at a glance.
Anita finally gets to the werelion's names: Pierce and Haven. She asks, "you guys only have one name apiece? Like Madonna?" (59). Vampires also only have one name. I do not believe that Madonna would be the first thing that sprang to Anita's mind. By the way, research fail, LKH. Madonna's name is Madonna Ciccone. It's the name her parents gave her when she was born. And now I'm trying to imagine Madonna's career in a world of vampires and therians and mermaids and I think my brain just broke.
Anita's all creeped out by Haven's laugh, imagining him killing people and laughing, and I don't know why. He hasn't shown the slightest bit of hostility. Then she's weirded out by Haven and Pierce each going by one name only, "like vampires", as Auggie says explicitly. Auggie says they both have criminal records, and Anita's reaction is to be more weirded out. I don't feel this is all that weird. Maybe somewhat frightening, but compared to the mindraping mermaid who's trying to get Anita to fuck her teenage sons who are vampire (half), it seems refreshingly normal. Perhaps I am simply relieved that someone in this book is capable of laughter.
Thinking of JC because she wants him to get here to deal with all this shit, Anita telepathically "sees" he and Asher fighting with Meng Die. I wish I were with them instead. Anita tells Auggie what's going on, and this:
"Committing murder in front of civilians is a no-no," I said.
"But once behind the scenes, will he kill her?" Haven asked.
I sighed. "Probably not." (60)
She is sighing over the fact that JC will not murder Meng Die. Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen.
Back to the dullest "who will I have sex with" party ever, Auggie tells Anita to "taste them... Taste your new toys" (61). As if Anita were a toddler who invariably puts her toys in her mouth and chews on them. Which is pretty much correct. Anita asks the two werelions if they want this deal, and Haven says sure, "if it works out", and Pierce says no. Anita then says, "the local lion pride works well; I don't want to queer their deal" (61).
This is before Anita had a complete moraldectomy and sentenced the Rex of the lion pride and his whole family to death because he refused to have sex with her. It's sad that THIS Anita, who regrets that JC will not murder someone, is so much better a person than what she will become.
Then we get a page of Bunny-bashing. Again. Anita thinks the idea of Bunny having sex is funny. I do not know why. The Bunny-bashing is all mixed up with Anita-worshiping, as you do. Then they get to saying that Anita wants someone she can talk to for the fucking and implying that only women care about conversation in relationships and GOD THIS CHAPTER WILL NOT END MAKE IT STOP PLEASE DEAR GOD JUST MAKE IT STOP.
Ahem. This chapter is 18 1/2 pages of terrible. So its sporking will be broken up into two parts.
Chapter 7 opens with Anita kissing Thea. She says Thea feeds at her mouth and talks about tasting her. It's like two milkshakes making out. I do not find this appealing. At least Thea tastes salty this time.
"I licked her lip, and found that there was a whitish film on the fullness of her mouth" (53). Is Thea rabid? Ick. And licking someone's lips while you're kissing them sounds strange.
Anita hears the ocean and some kind of magic something happens that makes all the men in the room and the one other woman act like they're having a tough time controlling themselves in some way. Maybe they all have to pee. Everyone's eyes have turned black except Samuel's. This sounds like it could be interesting, but it's written like a grocery list. Anita is simply observing everyone and I have no idea what she's feeling, if anything. If she doesn't care, why should I?
Thea steps away from Anita and replaces herself with Thomas. Anita claims that she wasn't thinking that Thomas was seventeen or that they had an audience. Suuuure. Anita loves barely legal boys and she loves having an audience. But of course Anita cannot own her desires -- no, this is all because Thea mind-controlled her. Gods forbid Anita ever do anything sexual because she wants to.
Thomas finds the gun at the small of Anita's back and hesitates. I'd forgotten about that. Anita's also got a huge knife along her spine.
If your character has sex with Isabela in Dragon Age 2, the fact that she's a bristling armory and you have to get rid of all these knives to get near each other is played for laughs. Isabela has a sense of humor about it. Guess whether Anita has a sense of humor about it. Two guesses, and the first doesn't count.
"He looked fresh and new and untried, like someone who had never hugged someone and found her wearing a gun" (53). Anita seems to have invented a new concept: gun virginity. Thomas didn't notice the knife (how is that possible), and Anita claims "you don't miss a knife as long as a forearm, not and live, not for long. Not in my world." Okay, at first that seems to make sense. But then I thought about it some more, and now I don't think it's as badass as it sounds. Anita's world contains superstrong werepeople and mindraping vampires. Those are the only people she has sex with, ever. They could easily kill her, knife or no knife. Also, that huge knife along the spine is terribly impractical. It feels like there are a couple totems here: the humongous knife, which would be difficult to walk around with and likely wouldn't do much good anyway; and the idea that if you do notice a huge knife like that, you're more safe.
Anita thinks Thomas' world is "a gentler, kinder place than my life" (54). This is true, because Thomas is not raped on a regular basis by metaphysical bullshit. Thea wants Anita to greet her other sons. Micah says to be fair, they should greet one of Auggie's people next instead. Thea says those people are only Auggie's henchman and mistress, but that Thea and Samuel have brought their "flesh and blood" and therefore should take precedence. Micah tries to be diplomatic and Anita cuts him off. She is tired of being "all polite and hosty". This woman is so twee. She's done being nice, but says she won't be rude either. I don't know how she'll manage that.
Thea is angry that "Augustine's whore" is higher in rank than her own sons. Sigh. She talks in this nasty way about the woman Auggie brought with him, but not the man. The "statuesque brunette" near Auggie is protesting (she doesn't get any lines yet though), and Anita says she doesn't blame her. Yeah, just wait until it's Anita's turn to have an opinion about this poor woman.
Thea and Anita continue to argue. Thea says she's seen into Anita's mind and knows that Anita doesn't want her sons, so without mindrape, they have no chance at "your bed, your body, or your power" (55). I don't think this makes any sense for Thea to think. She's been presented as having an extremely archaic viewpoint. I think she would assume that Anita would put her own physical desires after what's smart politically. Further, the way vampire society works in Anitaworld, I don't think any of them would assume someone powerful would be stupid enough to be entirely led by her vulva when considering a political alliance, even one cemented through sex. On the other hand, it is possible that Thea already knows that Anita is just that stupid.
Anita reacts by fearing Thea. Not because Thea has made known her ability and willingness to mindrape Anita, but because Thea might now know Anita is afraid she might be pregnant. Priorities, woman, do you have them? Also, LKH thinks "yay" is spelled "yea". Anita thinks Thea would be too odd to talk to if she doesn't understand why being pregnant would scare her. Not because of the whole centuries-old-mindrapist thing, though, that's perfectly understandable.
Anita decides to look at Auggie and his girlfriend. Unlike the lavish tonguebaths Anita invariably gives white men while describing them, this unnamed woman gets a couple paragraphs of pure spite. The woman is over six feet tall. Anita claims "there was no play of muscle to her arms or legs," which is impossible unless the woman is from the same species as Gumby. The woman is making angry gestures -- but again, not speaking. And the "angry gestures" aren't described. I like to think she can see Anita's scorn and is flipping her off in return. The woman's wearing a short dress and no underwear, and to this Anita thinks, "oh, my". Anita's supposed to be 27 in this, but she sounds more like a particularly sheltered and prudish 72.
The second paragraph starts by informing us that the woman's face is "perfect in a high-cheekboned, almost stark way" (55-6). Oh fuck you, says I, high cheekbones and all. Blah blah blah the woman has lots of makeup and big breasts and isn't wearing a bra so Anita knows they must be fake because they stay perky without a bra. Anita herself has extraordinarily massive boobs and believes a tight shirt with no bra can support them. But I guess since she's Anita, her breasts really do somehow stay perfectly perky at all times without any support while also being entirely natural. Also by 2006, when this book was published, it wasn't really possible to tell fake boobs from real ones solely by looking. I find it hard to believe this particular woman would have a bad boob job. Furthermore, "they rode under her dress like they were way more solid than breasts were meant to be". I think you mean "hard", LKH. Unsolidified breasts don't sound very healthy.
On sporking_rat's journal there was a discussion about how Anita's descriptions of people seem to occur in real time. Here is more evidence for that fact: "It took Micah tugging on my hand to let me know I'd missed something, staring at her chest." Anita has been standing there ogling this poor woman's chest for at least as long as it took her to tell us about it. Oh yeah, that's not rude at all.
The woman's name is "Bunny". So we'll hate her more, because how stupid of her, to be named "Bunny". I'd like Bunny to take out a gun with silver bullets or whatever is used to kill people like the assholes in this room and have herself a nice little bloodbath. A pretty little pearl-handled pistol. A PINK pretty little pearl-handled pistol.
But I have to leave my happy place for now and get back to reading the Bunny-hating.
Ahahahahah but first Bunny gets a bit of her own back. She says, "at least I'm only whoring for one man, not a dozen." Hahahahahahahah okay yeah, I suppose what Bunny said was sort of not cool, but I still love it. Not as much as I'd love for her to shoot Anita's skull, low cheekbones and all, of course.
Anita had been staring openly and raptly at Bunny's breasts for so long, Micah actually had to physically tug on her to stop her from doing it, and Anita claims Bunny is being "too rude". Oh please. You're lucky she didn't make you eat your own knife, you hypocritical little turd.
Auggie is infuriated and demands Bunny apologize. She says, "why am I a whore, when his wife is pimping out her own sons, and that one is fucking everything and everyone that will stand still?" Well, you're a whore if you're being paid for fucking, but I'm not sure Bunny is being paid. I think she may actually be Auggie's girlfriend. Also, she's wrong about Anita: Anita doesn't fuck anything that will stand still. She likes prey that runs, and it has to be male and white and preferably short. And I'm not sure what she'd do with a bald man. Or a fat one. Anyhow, Bunny still has a point -- she shouldn't be insulted for her sexuality, and these people doing so while panting at Anita's feet are gigantic hypocrites -- but of course she is never answered. She questioned the almighty perfection of Anita by being tall and pretty and having high cheekbones and being a woman who fucked someone Anita's attracted to, so she must be made to suffer and suffer and suffer some more. She's wrestled out of the room by a couple bodyguards and sent back to Chicago. Actually, she should count herself lucky. In later books, Anita will rape and beat the shit out of women for much less.
Anita's all "waaah why was Bunny so meen 2 me" and Auggie's all "bcuz u r so purty" and Anita's all "rilly?" and he is all "u r naturl buty" and Anita's all "huh?" and Auggie's all "[the men in the room] wanted to touch you, in a way that is rare" (57). Anita is all "wuh" and Nathaniel is all "srsly u is only purty grl in teh hole wide world" and Anita's all "I dun get it" and Auggie finally says it's because she's a necromancer.
LKH? I've gathered from your writing that you think it's kind of odd for a dude to want to screw chicks, but trust me: it's not. It's not unusual to want to fuck anyone. And every man in that room did not fall in love with Anita. They wanted to fuck her. Not that love, and wanting to make love, are rare either. But seriously, "wow, that woman's hot, I'd like to have sex with her": not rare. You see, most men find women attractive. And men have different tastes. And these tastes gel enough with how enough real women actually are that, well, it's not rare to be touched by men in all sorts of ways if one should so desire.
Maybe they wanted to pick Anita's nose. That would be pretty rare.
Okay so we get to the men Auggie's brought to possibly be Anita's pomme de sang. Now this is whoring, no question about it. They don't get called whores though. Auggie is here to trade one of them for "a bedmate of Belle's line" (58), which I believe means one of the vampires under JC. ("Bedmate", Anita? Really?) "One was brunette, the other pale." I don't think I've ever heard hair described as "pale". Or, I guess, skin described as "brunette" (which should be "brunet" to describe a man). I think LKH is trying to say the one who is not dark-haired is pale, but as there are plenty of pale people with dark hair, this juxtaposition makes no sense.
Here we get introduced to someone who will become important in later books: Haven. We don't get his real name yet, though. Instead, we get a description (tongue bath), which includes a rhapsody over his blue hair. Because of the hair, Anita mentally dubs him "Cookie Monster". So. Fucking. Twee. And it does not make any sense to me that there would be Muppets exactly like the Muppets in our world, names and all, if therians existed and were known to exist. Today's Very Special Sesame Street: Grover is infected with lycanthropy.
"Cookie Monster" looks "as if we just amused the hell out of him".
Okay, I pondered this for a while, and then decided I'm not going to pretend the elephant in the room is not there. It is speculated, with pretty good evidence, that Haven is somewhat based on LKH's then-bodyguard, or her fantasy version of him anyway. I think Haven's amusement fits with this theory.
Anita immediately, before she's spoken with either of them, decides she doesn't want them. They're "too dominant, too unbending" (59). Being dominant and being unbending are NOT traits that always exist together. One doesn't follow from the other in even the slightest way. And I don't know why Anita doesn't want a dominant man. These men are Auggie's servants, so obviously they know how to serve and likely won't give any trouble in that area, and that doesn't have anything to do with being dominant either. I suspect Anita means the men are dominant in bed, though since she doesn't understand that being dominant sexually and being dominant in everyday life are entirely separate things, I'm not so sure. In any case, why not have a sexually dominant man in there? Mix things up a bit? Especially if the guy is attracted to Nathaniel -- the poor goober is absolutely desperate to be dominated, as we will see later. And that someone is a dominant doesn't mean they always have to have sex in which they are dominant, so if Anita doesn't want to be dominated, she can let him fulfill that need elsewhere. Though I still don't believe she can tell it at a glance.
Anita finally gets to the werelion's names: Pierce and Haven. She asks, "you guys only have one name apiece? Like Madonna?" (59). Vampires also only have one name. I do not believe that Madonna would be the first thing that sprang to Anita's mind. By the way, research fail, LKH. Madonna's name is Madonna Ciccone. It's the name her parents gave her when she was born. And now I'm trying to imagine Madonna's career in a world of vampires and therians and mermaids and I think my brain just broke.
Anita's all creeped out by Haven's laugh, imagining him killing people and laughing, and I don't know why. He hasn't shown the slightest bit of hostility. Then she's weirded out by Haven and Pierce each going by one name only, "like vampires", as Auggie says explicitly. Auggie says they both have criminal records, and Anita's reaction is to be more weirded out. I don't feel this is all that weird. Maybe somewhat frightening, but compared to the mindraping mermaid who's trying to get Anita to fuck her teenage sons who are vampire (half), it seems refreshingly normal. Perhaps I am simply relieved that someone in this book is capable of laughter.
Thinking of JC because she wants him to get here to deal with all this shit, Anita telepathically "sees" he and Asher fighting with Meng Die. I wish I were with them instead. Anita tells Auggie what's going on, and this:
"Committing murder in front of civilians is a no-no," I said.
"But once behind the scenes, will he kill her?" Haven asked.
I sighed. "Probably not." (60)
She is sighing over the fact that JC will not murder Meng Die. Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen.
Back to the dullest "who will I have sex with" party ever, Auggie tells Anita to "taste them... Taste your new toys" (61). As if Anita were a toddler who invariably puts her toys in her mouth and chews on them. Which is pretty much correct. Anita asks the two werelions if they want this deal, and Haven says sure, "if it works out", and Pierce says no. Anita then says, "the local lion pride works well; I don't want to queer their deal" (61).
This is before Anita had a complete moraldectomy and sentenced the Rex of the lion pride and his whole family to death because he refused to have sex with her. It's sad that THIS Anita, who regrets that JC will not murder someone, is so much better a person than what she will become.
Then we get a page of Bunny-bashing. Again. Anita thinks the idea of Bunny having sex is funny. I do not know why. The Bunny-bashing is all mixed up with Anita-worshiping, as you do. Then they get to saying that Anita wants someone she can talk to for the fucking and implying that only women care about conversation in relationships and GOD THIS CHAPTER WILL NOT END MAKE IT STOP PLEASE DEAR GOD JUST MAKE IT STOP.
Ahem. This chapter is 18 1/2 pages of terrible. So its sporking will be broken up into two parts.
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Date: 2013-08-08 06:29 pm (UTC)Maybe the whitish stuff is meant to be sea foam? It's the only sensible and non-gross thing I can imagine.
God I hate the yea/yay confusion.
She honestly seems to be looking down at Thomas for having had a non-rapey, non-weapons-filled life.
Yeah, Anita has no business being all BIG PERKY BEWBS EQUALS FAKE because...dude, her rack is insane yet defies gravity.
MORE EVIDENCE HER DESCRIPTIONS ARE IN REAL TIME OMG THAT NEVER STOPS BEING HILARIOUS
A pink little pearl-handled pistol, awww, I want one!
god, I really hate the whole "~natural beauty~" shit with heroines, as it's one of my pet peeves in real-life
"Today's Very Special Sesame Street: Grover is infected with lycanthropy." Pfffhahahah! hey, they've got a Muppet with HIV, and therianthropy is constantly (offensively) compared to AIDS, so....
(Actually, LKH in general doesn't seem to consider how media would change throughout history with the addition of vamps/therians/etc known to exist. She even has the same horror movies about werewolves and vampires existing in this world as in ours!)
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Date: 2013-08-08 06:38 pm (UTC)god, I really hate the whole "~natural beauty~" shit with heroines, as it's one of my pet peeves in real-life
Mine too! I don't wear makeup and I've been told a lot of times, as a supposed compliment, "you don't need makeup" -- what, most women "need" it? Why don't men then? It is one reason a heroine in one of the things I'm working on is both incredibly beautiful AND makes, sells, and uses cosmetics to enhance what she's been lucky enough to get. Because there is no reason a gorgeous heroine should not be able to celebrate her beauty. Also, she can exist without all men falling in love with her and without putting down other women and without her beauty being the central fact of her life.
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Date: 2013-08-08 08:04 pm (UTC)LKH has a weird food fetish. I'm not sure whether she doesn't take breaks for snacks when she writes or what, but she starts rambling on about it at the weirdest moments. Isn't this the book where she has Anita go into great detail about which person would be which flavor of ice cream?
"If your character has sex with Isabela in Dragon Age 2, the fact that she's a bristling armory and you have to get rid of all these knives to get near each other is played for laughs. Isabela has a sense of humor about it. Guess whether Anita has a sense of humor about it. Two guesses, and the first doesn't count."
Hm, you're almost tempting me to get Dragon Age 2. :\
"It feels like there are a couple totems here: the humongous knife, which would be difficult to walk around with and likely wouldn't do much good anyway; and the idea that if you do notice a huge knife like that, you're more safe. "
If this was a better series, it would be interesting to write a speculative fic about the knife actually being useless, but her faith in it causing her to do better in combat. If a yuppie can repel vampires with a credit card...
(Anita in general would make more sense if she were unconsciously powered by faith. It's not that she's actually competent in the slightest, it's that she has such utter self-worship that even the mightiest foes cringe before her ego.
Come to think of it, the power of faith would explain why so many high-ranking therianthropes and vampires are utter psychopaths. Since psychopaths and some narcissists don't have any self-doubt and often have grotesquely inflated egos, they are empowered by believing that they're god-tier powers, even if their raw competence wouldn't allow them to defeat an irritated mongoose. ...Dang it, now I want to write a story brutally deconstructing The Power Of Belief along those lines. *takes notes for later*)
"On the other hand, it is possible that Thea already knows that Anita is just that stupid."
At this point (or later), she probably has the reputation of a female Henry VIII. Which is an insult to old Henry, since he could actually be quite savvy and cunning when he could pull his head out of partying for a minute, but the point still stands. 'Throw your prettiest men her way, and you will be well rewarded...'
"Not because of the whole centuries-old-mindrapist thing, though, that's perfectly understandable."
So she's basically an older Anita? Except much more civilized, since she only kissed Anita and tried to seduce her rather than literally pinning her against a wall and forcing herself upon her.
I wonder what Anita would think if she knew some men have been nicknamed "Bunny"? Including a computer security expert, and Anita's particular brand of gender-essentialism usually holds that science is a career requiring THE MANLIEST OF BRAINS. So, ah... tell me again what a girly name that is, Anita?
"She says, "at least I'm only whoring for one man, not a dozen." Hahahahahahahah okay yeah, I suppose what Bunny said was sort of not cool, but I still love it."
In all fairness (and I may be defending the indefensible), whoring seems to be a legitimate way to support yourself in vampire/therianthrope society. Belle Morte's line LIVES off of it. Submissive wereanimals often survive by doing it - indeed, Anita's POV suggests that socially-submissive wereanimals are forced to be sexually submissive as well. (We'll ignore that she thinks this is just their natural state...) It seems to also be a way to sign your allegiance to a master, given that human servants sometimes have affairs with their masters, we see some animals-to-call wed to their masters, etc.
And remember, Anita is Jean-Claude's human servant. By the rules of vampire society, he IS her master.
If we take a critical view of the text, Bunny's comment could have less to do with sexual promiscuity per se and be more about Anita's behavior indicating that she "serves" several masters - which is preeeetty much accurate, given her nominal allegiances. (Never mind that Anita is only loyal to herself - Bunny has no way of knowing quite what's going on.) According to both Anita's behavior and that of others (particularly Jean-Claude), this is regarded as raw treachery in vampire society, and possibly in therian society as well. Bunny, in contrast, is a loyal servant to one master and one alone. So, according to the NORMAL rules, she's honorable and Anita's a craven traitor in the making.
...Yeah, I realize this is hideously fucked-up with parallels to slavery of all sorts, but that the world Anita glamorizes. By the rules of the slaver society SHE adores, she is the lowest of scum.
"She's wrestled out of the room by a couple bodyguards and sent back to Chicago. Actually, she should count herself lucky. In later books, Anita will rape and beat the shit out of women for much less."
I'd like to think Bunny's written one of those tell-all anonymous blog posts that's gone viral by now. 'I used to be involved with a big vampire hot-shot. As part of his retinue, I got to meet the Master of St. Louis and his human servant - who, let's say, has a day job in which her bosses would be VERY interested to learn just how far her associations with the preternatural criminal underworld go. I'm about to give you all an account of what it was like - and, I swear to God, I'm not making any of this up...'
"As if Anita were a toddler who invariably puts her toys in her mouth and chews on them. Which is pretty much correct."
*spittake*
Looking forward to the next spork!
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Date: 2013-08-09 04:04 pm (UTC)Anita really does have no loyalty to anyone at all. All these people she supposedly loves, she treats like garbage. Unfortunately, I can't think of an appropriate specific insult for that.