Note to self: stop doing this to yourself
Feb. 20th, 2012 06:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lliiraI didn't take Tramadol (pain pill) yesterday. I thought I'd been doing relatively well, maybe I wouldn't need it. BIG mistake. Before going to bed, I took my normal Flexoril (muscle relaxant) for the night, and thought that would be enough to let me sleep.
Nope! I have to wait 8 hours between taking Flexoril and Tramadol, so I won't be able to take Tramadol until ten AM. I've got this "take as few drugs as possible" thinking, and yeah, I won't die if I don't take my pain pill, but I won't sleep either, and oh yeah, I'll be IN HORRIBLE PAIN.
Which, I'm in pain if I take Tramadol too. And Tramadol does screw with my memory, so maybe that's why I forget how much worse the pain is if I don't take it.
Sometimes I think, "I want to be clear-headed, I won't take Tramadol, maybe I can write stuff," which -- I don't even know what I'm thinking there. Yes, Tramadol makes it way harder to write than it was before I had multiple herniated discs. It makes me muzzy-headed, and worse, it makes me not able to think of words. So I end up re-using the same word over and over. But! I can edit! My first drafts are always ridiculous, and I should not worry so much about repeating words in them. And I'm capable of using a thesaurus without suffering Thesaurus Syndrome. I am not capable of writing when all I can think is ow ow ow ow ow ow ow
I guess I'm rebelling against needing to take a pain pill every single goddamn day. And I guess that's a way of rebelling against the mere fact of the pain and disability which have basically taken over my life. Blah.
Nope! I have to wait 8 hours between taking Flexoril and Tramadol, so I won't be able to take Tramadol until ten AM. I've got this "take as few drugs as possible" thinking, and yeah, I won't die if I don't take my pain pill, but I won't sleep either, and oh yeah, I'll be IN HORRIBLE PAIN.
Which, I'm in pain if I take Tramadol too. And Tramadol does screw with my memory, so maybe that's why I forget how much worse the pain is if I don't take it.
Sometimes I think, "I want to be clear-headed, I won't take Tramadol, maybe I can write stuff," which -- I don't even know what I'm thinking there. Yes, Tramadol makes it way harder to write than it was before I had multiple herniated discs. It makes me muzzy-headed, and worse, it makes me not able to think of words. So I end up re-using the same word over and over. But! I can edit! My first drafts are always ridiculous, and I should not worry so much about repeating words in them. And I'm capable of using a thesaurus without suffering Thesaurus Syndrome. I am not capable of writing when all I can think is ow ow ow ow ow ow ow
I guess I'm rebelling against needing to take a pain pill every single goddamn day. And I guess that's a way of rebelling against the mere fact of the pain and disability which have basically taken over my life. Blah.
