Twilight, Chapter 4, Probing (p.72-75)
Jun. 26th, 2012 12:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lliiraContent: Manipulation, sexism, depression, sexual attraction, probing
Onward and upward with the "girls' choice" dance, which really means "girls ask boys." Remember, the whole deal with this dance is that girls ask boys. Sexist and horribly named, but that's the deal.
Mike tells Bella that Jessica asked him to the dance. Here's her response:
"That's great." I made my voice bright and enthusiastic. "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica." (72)
"I made my voice bright and enthusiastic." Someone who has to make her voice sound a certain way does not actually feel that way. Bella does not feel bright and enthusiastic about Jessica having asked Mike to the dance, though that's what Bella wanted. I think Bella does not care about these people so much that she does not care if they go have fun at a dance. These people are supposed to be her friends.
I'm going to try to do what Meyer claims she wanted readers to do, and put myself in Bella's shoes. I'm seventeen years old and in high school. Jessica and Mike are both my friends. (They aren't really, because Bella hates everyone non-Cullen, but my imagination does not stretch that far.) Jessica likes Mike. Mike likes me, and while I want to stay friends with Mike, I do not reciprocate. Jessica asks Mike to a dance.
I wouldn't just be "bright and enthusiastic" about this, I'd be tapdancing on the moon. I would be selling Jessica to Mike with everything I had. I'd be doing this partly so he'd stop thinking he had a chance with me, but also because I wanted Jessica to get the boy she wants. While I would try to manipulate the circumstances to turn out the way I wanted, I would not have to "make" my voice anything.
Moving on, Mike reveals that he told Jessica he'd have to think about it. Bella "let[s] disapproval color [her] tone." Disapproval? Bella, you do not get to "disapprove" because Mike isn't sure he wants to go to the dance with Jessica. Not being attracted to someone is a neutral thing, you have absolutely no right to disapprove of it, you do not run these people's love lives. Disappointment is the appropriate word here, and there should be no letting about it.
Okay, so, Mike has just told me he's iffy about going to the dance with Jessica. I'd be disappointed, wishing he'd said yes so she'd be happy (he's my friend, I'm sure he'll be an acceptable boyfriend, and she wants him), he'd be happy (she's my friend, she must make a great girlfriend), and I'd (hopefully) be free from his awkward crush.
Embarrassed, Mike asks Bella if she was planning to ask him to the dance instead.
And she almost does because she feels guilty. Why does she feel guilty? Hell if I know! I cannot imagine feeling guilty for not wanting to ask a guy to a dance.
My response once Mike asked whether I'd been planning to ask him -- oh man, I was trying to avoid this, this is awkward. Did he have to bring it up in class, in front of Edward, the guy I have a crush on? Well, it can't be helped. "Um... no."
Okay, so Bella isn't me. I can't imagine Bella being me, it doesn't work. But how does Bella extricate herself from this situation, and push Mike toward Jessica? She says, "Mike, I think you should tell her yes." Not that she wasn't planning on asking him, but that she thinks he should go with Jessica. Well, that might work. Mike then asks Bella if she's asked someone else, his eyes flicking in Edward's direction.
"No," I assured him. "I'm not going to the dance at all."
Bella, you manipulative little twerp! Why are you assuring Mike here?! I thought you wanted him to stop wanting you! Do you want him?
Well, here's what Bella tells us about why she's not going to the dance: "the safety hazards that dancing presented" (73). If Bella weren't supernaturally clumsy, she'd be going to that dance. With whom? I dunno, but my best guess is Mike. She doesn't have the guts to ask Edward, and if she did, he'd likely turn her down. Mike's the only other boy she's shown even a passing interest in, and he likes her. She tells us that Mike's attentions are unwelcome, but she doesn't even hint it to Mike. Instead, she talks to him a lot, sits with him at lunch, and doesn't tell him that she wasn't going to ask him to the dance, but claims she has plans that can't be changed instead.
After Mike walks back to his desk, Bella feels "guilt and sympathy" (73). Sympathy, okay, he feels bad for being turned down (sort of) by the girl he likes. Guilt? Why? Not being attracted to someone is neutral, there is no moral judgment attached to it. Maybe she's feeling guilty for her manipulations, but that's just a guess.
Edward stares at Bella. His eyes are black now, by the way. He's staring and staring and staring. She looks back at him, and he continues to stare at her with "probing intensity." (Tee hee.) We have gone from the annoying to the ridiculous. Edward's staring at his lab partner while the teacher is lecturing. I wish I could draw, to show the ludicrous picture this paints in my mind. Also, this is an inappropriate amount of intensity to spend on someone saying she can't go to a high school dance with someone else.
Bella calls herself cowardly. I agree with her, but I wish she'd stop her constant internal monologue of self-hate. Even when I had depression, I didn't hate myself as much as Bella hates herself. This girl needs some serious therapy, at the very least, not a boyfriend.
Sadly, Bella's gonna get one of those and not the other, so we go back to him now.
I couldn't believe the rush of emotion pulsing through me -- just because he'd happened to look at me for the first time in a half-dozen weeks. (73-74)
Six is a perfectly acceptable word. Some of my friends have previously been the victim of my rant about how thesaurus.com calls longer words "smarter". No, they're just longer. Calling something a "half-dozen" isn't smarter than calling it "six", and it makes Bella sound off.
Also, Bella is turned on. The gorgeous guy with whom she's obsessed and who saved her life has just been staring at her in a probing way, of course she's turned on. Does she wonder why he was staring at her like that? Does she think, "ooh, maybe he's attracted to me too"? Of course not. That would mean stepping outside her self-obsessed self-hatred.
I couldn't allow him to have this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy. (74)
Stalking him is unhealthy. Obsession is unhealthy. Feeling a "rush of emotion" (and what a euphemism that is) because the hot guy you're attracted to stares at you and is reluctant to stop staring at you is neither unhealthy nor pathetic. It's perfectly natural and normal. It's one of the few perfectly natural and normal reactions Bella has had so far.
After class, Edward says Bella's name. She feels like she's known his voice all her life. Okay, sure, that happens. Attraction can make you feel much closer to someone than an outside observer might say you "really" are.
I turned slowly, unwillingly. I didn't want to feel what I knew I would feel when I looked at his too-perfect face. (74)
Bella, sweetie, what your body is doing is perfectly natural and normal. There is nothing wrong with how you're feeling. You are allowed to take pleasure in being attracted to someone. Sure, Edward's a total douche, and you're unbearable, but you're still allowed to feel tingly when you look at him. Yes, even there.
Bella asks if Edward's speaking to her again.
His lips twitched, fighting a smile. "No, not really," he admitted.
Edward? You're speaking. To Bella. That means you are speaking to Bella. Bella? I only approve of physical violence under certain circumstances, and normally one of those circumstances is not someone being a condescending ass who laughs at someone all the time. However, if you punched Edward in the throat right now, I'd overlook it.
Edward stops laughing at Bella long enough to tell her he's sorry, that he's being rude, but it's better if they're not friends.
My eyes narrowed. I'd heard that before. (75)
Wait, what? Edward's never said that to Bella before. Bella's never had a boyfriend. Is obsessing over a random hot guy a thing with her? I wonder how many boys in Phoenix were thrilled that their stalker moved away.
Bella's furious that Edward doesn't want to be her friend. How dare he! So, since he doesn't want to be friends, naturally she accuses him of regretting saving her life.
When he finally spoke, he almost sounded mad. "You think I regret saving your life?"
"I know you do," I snapped.
"You don't know anything." He was definitely mad.
Well, don't it beat all, Bella's obnoxious manipulation has made me feel sympathy for Edward. What Bella's doing is a common tactic for manipulators -- you say you'd rather not have ice cream today, they act like you said you hate ice cream and that you hate them too. You're put in a position of having to defend yourself from something completely weird that you never said or came close to feeling.
Bella stalks out of the room, and of course makes an even bigger fool of herself, tripping and dropping her books. This could be an amusing moment if Meyer hadn't made Bella so completely pathetic and unlikable, and if she didn't beat us over the head with Bella's supernatural clumsiness all the time. I knew Bella was going to trip as soon as she started walking out of the room. Also, while having a heroine with foibles and imperfections is a good thing, Bella is a mass of nothing but foibles and imperfections, and worse. I'm surprised she didn't manage to break a leg while walking out of that room.
Edward picks up Bella's books, of course. "He handed them to me, his face hard." I'm not sure calling a face hard works. An expression, okay, but a face? Also, after the sexual tension of the last couple pages, I'm thinking Edward's face isn't what's hard.
I will say one thing for Edward: the book is much more readable when he's involved. That doesn't mean it's anywhere approaching good, merely that it 's not quite as bad. He gives Bella something to think about besides herself, and therefore the book doesn't feel as claustrophobic and depressing. Bella and Edward's interactions also allow for a plethora of sex jokes, so there's that.
Onward and upward with the "girls' choice" dance, which really means "girls ask boys." Remember, the whole deal with this dance is that girls ask boys. Sexist and horribly named, but that's the deal.
Mike tells Bella that Jessica asked him to the dance. Here's her response:
"That's great." I made my voice bright and enthusiastic. "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica." (72)
"I made my voice bright and enthusiastic." Someone who has to make her voice sound a certain way does not actually feel that way. Bella does not feel bright and enthusiastic about Jessica having asked Mike to the dance, though that's what Bella wanted. I think Bella does not care about these people so much that she does not care if they go have fun at a dance. These people are supposed to be her friends.
I'm going to try to do what Meyer claims she wanted readers to do, and put myself in Bella's shoes. I'm seventeen years old and in high school. Jessica and Mike are both my friends. (They aren't really, because Bella hates everyone non-Cullen, but my imagination does not stretch that far.) Jessica likes Mike. Mike likes me, and while I want to stay friends with Mike, I do not reciprocate. Jessica asks Mike to a dance.
I wouldn't just be "bright and enthusiastic" about this, I'd be tapdancing on the moon. I would be selling Jessica to Mike with everything I had. I'd be doing this partly so he'd stop thinking he had a chance with me, but also because I wanted Jessica to get the boy she wants. While I would try to manipulate the circumstances to turn out the way I wanted, I would not have to "make" my voice anything.
Moving on, Mike reveals that he told Jessica he'd have to think about it. Bella "let[s] disapproval color [her] tone." Disapproval? Bella, you do not get to "disapprove" because Mike isn't sure he wants to go to the dance with Jessica. Not being attracted to someone is a neutral thing, you have absolutely no right to disapprove of it, you do not run these people's love lives. Disappointment is the appropriate word here, and there should be no letting about it.
Okay, so, Mike has just told me he's iffy about going to the dance with Jessica. I'd be disappointed, wishing he'd said yes so she'd be happy (he's my friend, I'm sure he'll be an acceptable boyfriend, and she wants him), he'd be happy (she's my friend, she must make a great girlfriend), and I'd (hopefully) be free from his awkward crush.
Embarrassed, Mike asks Bella if she was planning to ask him to the dance instead.
And she almost does because she feels guilty. Why does she feel guilty? Hell if I know! I cannot imagine feeling guilty for not wanting to ask a guy to a dance.
My response once Mike asked whether I'd been planning to ask him -- oh man, I was trying to avoid this, this is awkward. Did he have to bring it up in class, in front of Edward, the guy I have a crush on? Well, it can't be helped. "Um... no."
Okay, so Bella isn't me. I can't imagine Bella being me, it doesn't work. But how does Bella extricate herself from this situation, and push Mike toward Jessica? She says, "Mike, I think you should tell her yes." Not that she wasn't planning on asking him, but that she thinks he should go with Jessica. Well, that might work. Mike then asks Bella if she's asked someone else, his eyes flicking in Edward's direction.
"No," I assured him. "I'm not going to the dance at all."
Bella, you manipulative little twerp! Why are you assuring Mike here?! I thought you wanted him to stop wanting you! Do you want him?
Well, here's what Bella tells us about why she's not going to the dance: "the safety hazards that dancing presented" (73). If Bella weren't supernaturally clumsy, she'd be going to that dance. With whom? I dunno, but my best guess is Mike. She doesn't have the guts to ask Edward, and if she did, he'd likely turn her down. Mike's the only other boy she's shown even a passing interest in, and he likes her. She tells us that Mike's attentions are unwelcome, but she doesn't even hint it to Mike. Instead, she talks to him a lot, sits with him at lunch, and doesn't tell him that she wasn't going to ask him to the dance, but claims she has plans that can't be changed instead.
After Mike walks back to his desk, Bella feels "guilt and sympathy" (73). Sympathy, okay, he feels bad for being turned down (sort of) by the girl he likes. Guilt? Why? Not being attracted to someone is neutral, there is no moral judgment attached to it. Maybe she's feeling guilty for her manipulations, but that's just a guess.
Edward stares at Bella. His eyes are black now, by the way. He's staring and staring and staring. She looks back at him, and he continues to stare at her with "probing intensity." (Tee hee.) We have gone from the annoying to the ridiculous. Edward's staring at his lab partner while the teacher is lecturing. I wish I could draw, to show the ludicrous picture this paints in my mind. Also, this is an inappropriate amount of intensity to spend on someone saying she can't go to a high school dance with someone else.
Bella calls herself cowardly. I agree with her, but I wish she'd stop her constant internal monologue of self-hate. Even when I had depression, I didn't hate myself as much as Bella hates herself. This girl needs some serious therapy, at the very least, not a boyfriend.
Sadly, Bella's gonna get one of those and not the other, so we go back to him now.
I couldn't believe the rush of emotion pulsing through me -- just because he'd happened to look at me for the first time in a half-dozen weeks. (73-74)
Six is a perfectly acceptable word. Some of my friends have previously been the victim of my rant about how thesaurus.com calls longer words "smarter". No, they're just longer. Calling something a "half-dozen" isn't smarter than calling it "six", and it makes Bella sound off.
Also, Bella is turned on. The gorgeous guy with whom she's obsessed and who saved her life has just been staring at her in a probing way, of course she's turned on. Does she wonder why he was staring at her like that? Does she think, "ooh, maybe he's attracted to me too"? Of course not. That would mean stepping outside her self-obsessed self-hatred.
I couldn't allow him to have this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy. (74)
Stalking him is unhealthy. Obsession is unhealthy. Feeling a "rush of emotion" (and what a euphemism that is) because the hot guy you're attracted to stares at you and is reluctant to stop staring at you is neither unhealthy nor pathetic. It's perfectly natural and normal. It's one of the few perfectly natural and normal reactions Bella has had so far.
After class, Edward says Bella's name. She feels like she's known his voice all her life. Okay, sure, that happens. Attraction can make you feel much closer to someone than an outside observer might say you "really" are.
I turned slowly, unwillingly. I didn't want to feel what I knew I would feel when I looked at his too-perfect face. (74)
Bella, sweetie, what your body is doing is perfectly natural and normal. There is nothing wrong with how you're feeling. You are allowed to take pleasure in being attracted to someone. Sure, Edward's a total douche, and you're unbearable, but you're still allowed to feel tingly when you look at him. Yes, even there.
Bella asks if Edward's speaking to her again.
His lips twitched, fighting a smile. "No, not really," he admitted.
Edward? You're speaking. To Bella. That means you are speaking to Bella. Bella? I only approve of physical violence under certain circumstances, and normally one of those circumstances is not someone being a condescending ass who laughs at someone all the time. However, if you punched Edward in the throat right now, I'd overlook it.
Edward stops laughing at Bella long enough to tell her he's sorry, that he's being rude, but it's better if they're not friends.
My eyes narrowed. I'd heard that before. (75)
Wait, what? Edward's never said that to Bella before. Bella's never had a boyfriend. Is obsessing over a random hot guy a thing with her? I wonder how many boys in Phoenix were thrilled that their stalker moved away.
Bella's furious that Edward doesn't want to be her friend. How dare he! So, since he doesn't want to be friends, naturally she accuses him of regretting saving her life.
When he finally spoke, he almost sounded mad. "You think I regret saving your life?"
"I know you do," I snapped.
"You don't know anything." He was definitely mad.
Well, don't it beat all, Bella's obnoxious manipulation has made me feel sympathy for Edward. What Bella's doing is a common tactic for manipulators -- you say you'd rather not have ice cream today, they act like you said you hate ice cream and that you hate them too. You're put in a position of having to defend yourself from something completely weird that you never said or came close to feeling.
Bella stalks out of the room, and of course makes an even bigger fool of herself, tripping and dropping her books. This could be an amusing moment if Meyer hadn't made Bella so completely pathetic and unlikable, and if she didn't beat us over the head with Bella's supernatural clumsiness all the time. I knew Bella was going to trip as soon as she started walking out of the room. Also, while having a heroine with foibles and imperfections is a good thing, Bella is a mass of nothing but foibles and imperfections, and worse. I'm surprised she didn't manage to break a leg while walking out of that room.
Edward picks up Bella's books, of course. "He handed them to me, his face hard." I'm not sure calling a face hard works. An expression, okay, but a face? Also, after the sexual tension of the last couple pages, I'm thinking Edward's face isn't what's hard.
I will say one thing for Edward: the book is much more readable when he's involved. That doesn't mean it's anywhere approaching good, merely that it 's not quite as bad. He gives Bella something to think about besides herself, and therefore the book doesn't feel as claustrophobic and depressing. Bella and Edward's interactions also allow for a plethora of sex jokes, so there's that.
no subject
Date: 2012-06-26 09:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-26 09:34 pm (UTC)Also, almost every time Bella interacts with anyone, she tries to manipulate them. I'm to the point where I require significant proof of Bella not trying to be manipulative in any conversation before I'll believe it.
no subject
Date: 2012-06-26 09:36 pm (UTC)