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lliiraThis book is four hundred ninety-eight pages long. Why does a vampire romance novel need to be four hundred ninety-eight pages long?
I read long books all the time, but I've never read one that was such a slog. I would rather read a pompous Freudian postmodernist history filled with fifty-dollar words that aren't in the dictionary than this book. The Name of the Rose feels shorter than the 40 pages of Twilight I've read so far. WHY is this book popular?!
So on the fortieth page, Edward is in the cafeteria at lunch. This upsets Bella so much, she gets nauseous. I guess the idea of anyone -- or at least a pretty, rich white boy -- not liking her upsets her so much her body ceases to function properly. I really do not like this girl.
If he was glaring at me, I would skip Biology [sic], like the coward I was. (41)
I really. Really. Really. Really. Do not like this girl.
The pasty rich people are laughing, enjoying the snowy day "just like everyone else" -- except Bella, of course. She stares at them, "[examining] Edward most carefully." Bella, have you considered the possibility that maybe Edward doesn't like you because you stare at him all the time? You're creepy!
"Bella, what are you staring at?" Jessica intruded, her eyes following my stare.
Intruded? Bella, you snotty little shithead, asking a friend a reasonable question about what she's utterly engrossed in is not "intruding."
Edward looks at Bella, and she drops her eyes, and now Jessica informs Bella that Edward is staring at her. Bella hisses at Jessica to stop looking at him.
She snickered, but she looked away. I raised my head enough to make sure that she did, contemplating violence if she resisted. (42)
What the hell is wrong with this girl? And what the hell is wrong with Meyer, making a girl like this the protagonist and viewpoint character of a romance novel? Reading this book is like reading Lolita written by someone who thinks we should sympathize with Humbert Humbert.
And yes, Bella is snarking. I'm sure she wouldn't actually be violent in this situation, because that would require her to do something. I have no doubt that the only reason Bella is not violent is because she has talked herself into having the spine of a flobberworm.
Anyway, Mike's planning a huge snowball fight after school, and instead of saying she doesn't want to participate, Bella plans to hide in the gym. We learn that Jessica has a crush on Mike when Bella thinks something slut-shaming and sexist about her for it. (I'll skip the quote, since I'd end up writing a whole post about it.) Then Bella says that since Mike doesn't look angry, she'll go to biology class.
I'm not kidding. That's what she says. In one paragraph, she's talking about Mike. He's the "he" of that paragraph, and the only "he." Then in the next paragraph, she says:
Since he didn't look angry, I would go to Biology [sic].
No other males have been mentioned between Mike and this "he". So, since Mike isn't angry, Bella will go to biology class, though she fears sitting next to him "again". I don't remember her ever sitting next to him; I guess she forgot to mention it. Still, she walks with him to class.
[When] we went to the door, everyone besides me groaned in unison. It was raining, washing all traces of the snow away in clear, icy ribbons down the side of the walkway. I pulled my hood up, secretly pleased. (43)
Bella's already a vampire. She's a soulless monster who feeds on others' misery.
I read long books all the time, but I've never read one that was such a slog. I would rather read a pompous Freudian postmodernist history filled with fifty-dollar words that aren't in the dictionary than this book. The Name of the Rose feels shorter than the 40 pages of Twilight I've read so far. WHY is this book popular?!
So on the fortieth page, Edward is in the cafeteria at lunch. This upsets Bella so much, she gets nauseous. I guess the idea of anyone -- or at least a pretty, rich white boy -- not liking her upsets her so much her body ceases to function properly. I really do not like this girl.
If he was glaring at me, I would skip Biology [sic], like the coward I was. (41)
I really. Really. Really. Really. Do not like this girl.
The pasty rich people are laughing, enjoying the snowy day "just like everyone else" -- except Bella, of course. She stares at them, "[examining] Edward most carefully." Bella, have you considered the possibility that maybe Edward doesn't like you because you stare at him all the time? You're creepy!
"Bella, what are you staring at?" Jessica intruded, her eyes following my stare.
Intruded? Bella, you snotty little shithead, asking a friend a reasonable question about what she's utterly engrossed in is not "intruding."
Edward looks at Bella, and she drops her eyes, and now Jessica informs Bella that Edward is staring at her. Bella hisses at Jessica to stop looking at him.
She snickered, but she looked away. I raised my head enough to make sure that she did, contemplating violence if she resisted. (42)
What the hell is wrong with this girl? And what the hell is wrong with Meyer, making a girl like this the protagonist and viewpoint character of a romance novel? Reading this book is like reading Lolita written by someone who thinks we should sympathize with Humbert Humbert.
And yes, Bella is snarking. I'm sure she wouldn't actually be violent in this situation, because that would require her to do something. I have no doubt that the only reason Bella is not violent is because she has talked herself into having the spine of a flobberworm.
Anyway, Mike's planning a huge snowball fight after school, and instead of saying she doesn't want to participate, Bella plans to hide in the gym. We learn that Jessica has a crush on Mike when Bella thinks something slut-shaming and sexist about her for it. (I'll skip the quote, since I'd end up writing a whole post about it.) Then Bella says that since Mike doesn't look angry, she'll go to biology class.
I'm not kidding. That's what she says. In one paragraph, she's talking about Mike. He's the "he" of that paragraph, and the only "he." Then in the next paragraph, she says:
Since he didn't look angry, I would go to Biology [sic].
No other males have been mentioned between Mike and this "he". So, since Mike isn't angry, Bella will go to biology class, though she fears sitting next to him "again". I don't remember her ever sitting next to him; I guess she forgot to mention it. Still, she walks with him to class.
[When] we went to the door, everyone besides me groaned in unison. It was raining, washing all traces of the snow away in clear, icy ribbons down the side of the walkway. I pulled my hood up, secretly pleased. (43)
Bella's already a vampire. She's a soulless monster who feeds on others' misery.
