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lliiraMy fiance and I are getting married in April. I am disappointed that we can't afford a honeymoon yet, and I couldn't go on one if we could, because of my back. But I've been prodding myself to see if I'm disappointed that I won't have a white dress, flowers, and most of all, friends and family with me. And I'm finding that I just... don't care.
People will call to congratulate us, and people will congratulate us online. I don't need fancy china, though I admit I would love an excuse to ask for an expensive mixer. But I probably wouldn't use it until my back was better anyway. I've been looking at wedding dresses for about two years, thinking I'd be wearing one, but I have found none that I've liked. I don't want to get married in a ball gown. So I'd have to get one custom-made, and I'd rather put that money toward something else (like a honeymoon).
When I was a girl, I did fantasize about the man I'd marry. I didn't start these fantasies until I was ten or eleven, so sexuality was always part of it. I very rarely fantasized about my wedding, and when I did, it was to imagine something dramatic happening during it. I did plan all sorts of different honeymoons. I also planned to live in Europe for a while and have a few fantastic lovers before "settling down" with one man who was my age when I was twenty-five years old. I was determined that I would not marry before twenty-five, and that I would marry at twenty-five. So I'm ten years late there. And I never went to Europe. And I'm not a bestselling, Pulitzer Prize, Hugo Award, Newberry Medal-winning author. And I'm broke. And I have constant back pain. But otherwise, life's pretty spot-on, cats and all.
So, no white dress, no organ music, no beautiful garden ceremony, no flowers (maybe a bouquet for me and a boutineer for him), no friends and family. Just my fiance and I making official what's been true for the past six years or so. And cake. We will have cake.
People will call to congratulate us, and people will congratulate us online. I don't need fancy china, though I admit I would love an excuse to ask for an expensive mixer. But I probably wouldn't use it until my back was better anyway. I've been looking at wedding dresses for about two years, thinking I'd be wearing one, but I have found none that I've liked. I don't want to get married in a ball gown. So I'd have to get one custom-made, and I'd rather put that money toward something else (like a honeymoon).
When I was a girl, I did fantasize about the man I'd marry. I didn't start these fantasies until I was ten or eleven, so sexuality was always part of it. I very rarely fantasized about my wedding, and when I did, it was to imagine something dramatic happening during it. I did plan all sorts of different honeymoons. I also planned to live in Europe for a while and have a few fantastic lovers before "settling down" with one man who was my age when I was twenty-five years old. I was determined that I would not marry before twenty-five, and that I would marry at twenty-five. So I'm ten years late there. And I never went to Europe. And I'm not a bestselling, Pulitzer Prize, Hugo Award, Newberry Medal-winning author. And I'm broke. And I have constant back pain. But otherwise, life's pretty spot-on, cats and all.
So, no white dress, no organ music, no beautiful garden ceremony, no flowers (maybe a bouquet for me and a boutineer for him), no friends and family. Just my fiance and I making official what's been true for the past six years or so. And cake. We will have cake.
