An Ode to Scientology

[lliira]

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started in Xenu's G.C.
Aboard a massive ship.

The mate was an evil psycho-man
For Xenu loved the quacks
Billions set off that day
For Teegeeack, for Teegeeack

The ship was filled with prisoners
Whose souls were trapped in frost.
If not for the courage of LRH
The story would be lost, the story would be lost.

The ship set down near a volcano, here on planet Earth
With thetans
Implanted with
False memories
Of history.
But not Xenu, he's on Mars.
We're on Teegeeack.

So this is the tale of the lost thetans.
They're here for a long, long time.
They'll have to make the best of things
On human beings' dime.

LRH and Miscavige too
Will do their very best
To audit every human soul
Till we're no longer stressed.

The Sea Org works all day and night
They have no luxuries
For LRH declared they'd live
To serve Scientology

So give us all your trust and cash
Give until you crack.
We have to build more Ideal Orgs
Here on Teegeeack.


This was inspired by a comment by Thetan-X noting the remarkable resemblance between L.Ron Hubbard and the Skipper on Gilligan's Isle.