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Yes, you do have a problem
This post is sort of about the LJ thing, but I've seen this happen over and over through the years.
Jill and Jack like the same company/service/media/forum/etc. (Hereafter shortened "company" for convenience.) The company does something to Jill. Maybe it bans her unfairly, refuses to listen to her concerns, treats her and people like her in a sexist/racist/ableist/homophobic/etc. manner. The customer service people are unimaginably condescending and rude to her. Jill complains online. Lots of people come out of the wordwork, saying, "I have the same problem. Let's band together and yell at the company." Other people say, "hey, that really stinks. I don't have the same problem, but I want to help you." So far, so good.
Then Jack shows up. The first thing Jack says is, "can't we all get along? You're being so emotional and rude. Come on, let's play nice."
See what Jack did there? He attacked Jill in a condescending manner while pretending to stake out the high ground.
Jill and her friends try to respond politely to Jack. They try to bend over backwards to be his definition of "polite". They're willing to compromise. He does not move an inch, and keeps whining about "rudeness" and "emotions" and "overreacting".
Jack and a couple other people say they don't have a problem with the company. The company has always treated them well personally, therefore they're happy with it. Jill and friends say that's fine (note: it's not really), but they still have their concerns, which they want to voice. Jack continues to respond to every negative comment about the company with some variation of, "I don't have a problem with it, come on let's all play nice, stop being so emotional."
Then someone, we'll call this person Robin, says, "hey wait a minute. Here's a clearly-thought out post about why the company is wrong, Jill is right, and Jack has added nothing to the discussion. The fact that he continues to vocally defend a company that treats people poorly reflects badly on him. He's trying to hamstring you, Jill and friends. Don't let him."
This is when things get really interesting, because this is when Jack brings his buddies in. They start to defend Jack, and they aren't all as good at the manipulation game as he is. They don't hide their true motives. Very, very often, they threaten to rape Jill and friends. They always flail about trying to figure out what gender Robin is, and generally settle on misogynist insults. If they find out Robin identifies as a man, they use homophobic insults as well as misogynist ones (saying he's "pussy-whipped" by Jill or something, even if he's never met her.) If they find out Robin belongs to another minority group, they go into ecstasies of vile -ism insults to round out their misogynistic and homophobic insults.
Jack does not call for his friends to stop. Instead, he sits back and says, "lol u mad." This can be in a long, meandering post, or in an icon, but it is always the gist of what he says.
At this point, Jill and friends have actually won. Jack and friends have shown themselves to be nothing but bullies and trolls. But Jack and friends still have the company to play in, they're having fun in their trollish circlejerk, and Jill and friends have been put through hell.
Jill and friends leave the company and find or create alternatives. They write posts detailing the history of their dealings with the company, for posterity, and then move on.
Lots of people now despise each other, but the company doesn't suffer. It's big enough that new customers will replace old ones. In a few months, when Brian, a new customer, posts about the shitty way the company just treated him, the whole thing starts again. He and others are shocked when they're shown links about how Jill was treated. The company doesn't care; they've seen this before, and they think they know how it ends. It's disheartening for Jill, Robin, Brian, and their friends. Jack may have even come over to their side by now, but there are always others willing to take his place. And the company keeps being horrible.
Here is what these companies/services/media/forums/etc. don't understand: customer churn will only last so long. There is always a tipping point. This much bad word-of-mouth reaches every potential customer sooner or later. And since the company refuses to change, the amount of bad word-of-mouth grows exponentially. The Jacks of the world cannot make up for the Jills, and for all the decent people who side with her.
We can always go somewhere else. If it doesn't exist, we create it. That's why we always win, in the end.
Jill and Jack like the same company/service/media/forum/etc. (Hereafter shortened "company" for convenience.) The company does something to Jill. Maybe it bans her unfairly, refuses to listen to her concerns, treats her and people like her in a sexist/racist/ableist/homophobic/etc. manner. The customer service people are unimaginably condescending and rude to her. Jill complains online. Lots of people come out of the wordwork, saying, "I have the same problem. Let's band together and yell at the company." Other people say, "hey, that really stinks. I don't have the same problem, but I want to help you." So far, so good.
Then Jack shows up. The first thing Jack says is, "can't we all get along? You're being so emotional and rude. Come on, let's play nice."
See what Jack did there? He attacked Jill in a condescending manner while pretending to stake out the high ground.
Jill and her friends try to respond politely to Jack. They try to bend over backwards to be his definition of "polite". They're willing to compromise. He does not move an inch, and keeps whining about "rudeness" and "emotions" and "overreacting".
Jack and a couple other people say they don't have a problem with the company. The company has always treated them well personally, therefore they're happy with it. Jill and friends say that's fine (note: it's not really), but they still have their concerns, which they want to voice. Jack continues to respond to every negative comment about the company with some variation of, "I don't have a problem with it, come on let's all play nice, stop being so emotional."
Then someone, we'll call this person Robin, says, "hey wait a minute. Here's a clearly-thought out post about why the company is wrong, Jill is right, and Jack has added nothing to the discussion. The fact that he continues to vocally defend a company that treats people poorly reflects badly on him. He's trying to hamstring you, Jill and friends. Don't let him."
This is when things get really interesting, because this is when Jack brings his buddies in. They start to defend Jack, and they aren't all as good at the manipulation game as he is. They don't hide their true motives. Very, very often, they threaten to rape Jill and friends. They always flail about trying to figure out what gender Robin is, and generally settle on misogynist insults. If they find out Robin identifies as a man, they use homophobic insults as well as misogynist ones (saying he's "pussy-whipped" by Jill or something, even if he's never met her.) If they find out Robin belongs to another minority group, they go into ecstasies of vile -ism insults to round out their misogynistic and homophobic insults.
Jack does not call for his friends to stop. Instead, he sits back and says, "lol u mad." This can be in a long, meandering post, or in an icon, but it is always the gist of what he says.
At this point, Jill and friends have actually won. Jack and friends have shown themselves to be nothing but bullies and trolls. But Jack and friends still have the company to play in, they're having fun in their trollish circlejerk, and Jill and friends have been put through hell.
Jill and friends leave the company and find or create alternatives. They write posts detailing the history of their dealings with the company, for posterity, and then move on.
Lots of people now despise each other, but the company doesn't suffer. It's big enough that new customers will replace old ones. In a few months, when Brian, a new customer, posts about the shitty way the company just treated him, the whole thing starts again. He and others are shocked when they're shown links about how Jill was treated. The company doesn't care; they've seen this before, and they think they know how it ends. It's disheartening for Jill, Robin, Brian, and their friends. Jack may have even come over to their side by now, but there are always others willing to take his place. And the company keeps being horrible.
Here is what these companies/services/media/forums/etc. don't understand: customer churn will only last so long. There is always a tipping point. This much bad word-of-mouth reaches every potential customer sooner or later. And since the company refuses to change, the amount of bad word-of-mouth grows exponentially. The Jacks of the world cannot make up for the Jills, and for all the decent people who side with her.
We can always go somewhere else. If it doesn't exist, we create it. That's why we always win, in the end.